a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I Hate.

I hate it when people tell me how I should think. What I should think. That what I think isn't right, that I'm not seeing the big picture, that I'm wrong. I'll think what I want and that's the end of it, no exception. I don't care if I'm making the wrong decision; let me make it for myself. I don't care if I don't care if I completely mess up; let me learn from that mistake. I don't care if I'm being narrow minded; let me broaden my horizons my own way.

I want to develop my own opinions, my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own words. I don't want these things to be put in my mind. In my brain. In my heart. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

I don't care that I'm bitter most of the time. I don't care if people dislike me anymore or see me as an annoyance, I'm done trying to please them and I don't ever have to again. I'll think what I'd like and write what I like. I can be judgmental, I can be cruel, I can be bitter, I can be brutally honest and you know what? Some people aren't going to like that. I don't care though. I'm like that sometimes. Most of the time actually. I can be the most innocent, naive, clear thinking and seeing minded person. But most of the time I'm not that. I hate all of them and I'm unapologetic for it. You don't know what they've done to me, you don't know why I think and feel like this. There's a reason I hate them and it's not because of nothing. It's because of years and years of buildup. Things said and actions taken. Words exchanged and feelings hurt. Intentionally, unintentionally.

Before you open your mouth think about what you say to me. You don't know me, you have no clue. I don't want you to know me either because you know what? You'll never understand. You just won't. I've tried to make you,time and time again, method after method, heart felt expression after heartfelt expression. I'm done trying with you.

I'm not a liar. I tell things with honesty and truth and maybe that hurts sometimes and maybe that makes me seem like a bad person. But I'm done with it all. I just want to be me and not be slammed for it. Not be told what to do and that I'm a bad person for it. This is a place for me to share my thoughts and if you don't like them, leave. My blog isn't just about fashion; it's my life, my thoughts, my feelings. Sometimes it's been a mistake to put it all out there for judgement. Sometimes it's been a blessing. This was never meant for people to read. All of this was supposed to be hidden.

I'm just done caring and want to write about what I think without judgement. 

*none of this is directed at you all, just angry thoughts and feelings I had tonight. I had to get them out.*
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