This past week I conducted a social experiment on my personal facebook page. I decided to create a formspring. For some of you who do not know what a formspring is, it is a website where you can anonymously submit questions or comments to a person without them ever knowing who you are. At my school, formspring is a site where people are ruthlessly attacked and ridiculed. It's honestly so sad to see how truly cruel teenagers can be to each other when they are given the chance to hide behind anonymity. On a whim I decided to create a formspring for exactly one week as a social experiment. Here is my overview I wrote to my classmates in the form of a note after the whole experience.
When I created a formspring, so many people in my life didn't understand my reasons for doing it. They told me to delete it because they didn't want to see me get hurt or have people attack me. I didn't listen to all of those people though because creating a formspring was something I had to do for myself. No, to all you people out there who think I was out to "get compliments," that's not the reason I created a formspring. It was firstly, to see what people really thought of me. All throughout my life I feel like people have never really told me how they truly feel about me. They sugar coat everything to my face, and then go behind my back and say what they actually feel. I wanted the opportunity to give those people the chance to say how they really perceive me and what they truly think about me. Because when you give people the chance to hide behind anonymity, their true feelings about you come out. I wanted to use these true feelings not to develop myself based on what people think of me, but to use their comments to improve myself. To have my faults and weaknesses put out before me in an honest way so that I could finally see them and the the chance to maybe work on some of those weaknesses. Another reason I created this formspring was to test myself. To see how strong I truly am and have become. For years (and still to this day) I've been put down, made fun of, picked on because of the way I dress. Because maybe I'm different than you. At first, those comments tore me apart and made me miserable. They made me feel worthless and want to shrink back in fear so all of the taunting would stop. Its been years since I've felt like this though because over the years I have grown stronger the more I've found myself. I wanted a final test through the journey I've made and the improvements I've had. I wanted to see if I could handle it. Would I fall apart and wilt away like I used to? Or would I take the comments and embrace them to make me stronger? To all of those people out there who gave me mean, degrading comments: you failed. You failed to make me feel inferior and awful about myself and my life. You failed miserably.
I feel so empowered and inspired by this experience. I've found things out about myself that I think I was oblivious to. Not only have I found out surprising things about myself, I've found things out about the people who care about me. The people who truly care about me that is. I also got the chance for once to show people who I really am through my responses and reactions to your questions. So very often I feel like my classmates don't understand me or know who I am. I'm just a walking, talking mannequin and not a real person. People just look me up and down to see what I'm wearing, and never bother to actually talk to me or ask how I'm doing. I walk through the halls of my high school, looking at the hundreds of faces who have no idea who I am. Yes, they may recognize my face and think, "Oh, that's Lauren," but really they have no concept of the person I am inside. For once though I feel satisfied because I got to share with you all a few little pieces of me that maybe you didn't realize were there. Maybe you think differently of me now whether it be for better or worse. Some of you still probably think "I'm full of myself." Some of you still probably think "I'm fake". Some of you still probably think that " I think I'm too cool, or I'm obsessed with myself," and every other mean thing you said to me. But I truly don't care because at least I had the chance to show you I'm not all those things and maybe, just maybe I proved you wrong. Whether or not you want to believe me is up to you. I don't regret creating this formspring for a week. I want to truly thank all of you who submitted questions or comments whether they were good, bad, truthful, or just an attempt to hurt me. I appreciate everything.
I feel so empowered and inspired by this experience. I've found things out about myself that I think I was oblivious to. Not only have I found out surprising things about myself, I've found things out about the people who care about me. The people who truly care about me that is. I also got the chance for once to show people who I really am through my responses and reactions to your questions. So very often I feel like my classmates don't understand me or know who I am. I'm just a walking, talking mannequin and not a real person. People just look me up and down to see what I'm wearing, and never bother to actually talk to me or ask how I'm doing. I walk through the halls of my high school, looking at the hundreds of faces who have no idea who I am. Yes, they may recognize my face and think, "Oh, that's Lauren," but really they have no concept of the person I am inside. For once though I feel satisfied because I got to share with you all a few little pieces of me that maybe you didn't realize were there. Maybe you think differently of me now whether it be for better or worse. Some of you still probably think "I'm full of myself." Some of you still probably think "I'm fake". Some of you still probably think that " I think I'm too cool, or I'm obsessed with myself," and every other mean thing you said to me. But I truly don't care because at least I had the chance to show you I'm not all those things and maybe, just maybe I proved you wrong. Whether or not you want to believe me is up to you. I don't regret creating this formspring for a week. I want to truly thank all of you who submitted questions or comments whether they were good, bad, truthful, or just an attempt to hurt me. I appreciate everything.
With much love, Lauren.
