a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Friday, September 21, 2012

What We All Deserve.

Lace Blouse, T-Strap Heels: Thrifted.
Cream Skirt (actually a dress tucked under): H&M.
Floral Crown: Handmade.

If you couldn't tell from my slew of posts this week, it's been a rough one. Clearly I've been emotional and a mess (I fully realize and admit it) and I don't know why it hit me so hard this week. I get all sorts of opinions on how I should feel and what I should be doing to get better and some of them are good intentions from those who care; and some are just harsh and non-understanding. As I've said before, I hold myself together quite well. Going about my day, I am smiling, going to class, engaged, and focused. I am strong. It may seem to you that all I am is weak, weak, weak because that's all I post about on here; my weak days and my weak feelings. At the end of the day of being strong and pushing through, this place is my solace to let it out and cry because I've kept it in all day, trying to move on with my life and get better. We all deal with situations in different ways and I happen to be very emotional and open about mine. I don't want to still be hurting this much 6 months from now and by letting out what I feel and allowing myself to hurt, I hope I can prevent future hurt. I don't want to feel like this forever.

Throughout all this I've been trying to be more appreciative though of what I do have in my life and that's a great support system. Seriously, an incredible one. Tonight I feel happier than I have lately which is strange because I was a mess this afternoon. My mother is indescribable. Every time I call her, upset about something, anything, she's there...she has shown me the most unconditional kind of love that breaks my heart because I love her so much and am so appreciative for everything she's done for me throughout this whole break up. Another lady in my life I don't know what I would do without is Matt's mother. We've always been close and I thought through this break up I would lose contact with her and it really upset me. I call her about once a week and talk though and she is like a second mother to me. I just love her so much it makes me emotional because she has been there for me, every step of the way, listening to her son's ex girlfriend with such an open heart and open ear. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. I've made a friend here at Kent named Erin who I hung out with tonight and is beyond amazing. She's the friend I've always wanted and it means so much to me to have her tell me like it is, no sugar coating things so that I can see and get better and heal. She just made me so happy tonight because I finally have found someone who I can connect with and gets me. And lastly, there's all of you guys. I have received so many emails it is insane and inspiring. Every single one makes me cry because you all open up to me and tell me your stories and struggles to help me with mine...and it's so selfless and such an act of love that I am so appreciative of. I have people from my high school (!), the United States, and even around the world email me, rooting me on and supporting me.

So even though I have so much sadness, there is so much light, as well. My life at Kent here is beautiful and I'm so appreciative of every second of it and every person in my life. I know you all don't want to read about all this sad stuff and truthfully, I am SICK of writing about it...but it helps me heal and it gives me the strength I need to keep moving on and keep moving towards happiness. Happiness that I deserve. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
With much love, Lauren.

P.S. Sorry I'm so sad/tired looking in these photos. Like I said, it'd been a rough day.


Jeannee said...

Lauren, WOW! Your writing from the heart ... the incredible support system you have in place ... and your latest OOTD - every single time I sit here and say "well you know that's her best one! she'll never top that!" - you do just that <3 You don't appear weak at all, but more like a person who is grieving and getting through it. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers +

Anonymous said...

you are amazing too, my dear! i am so glad we found each other! we're going to get you through this, i promise:)
-guess who!
p.s. can't wait for movies, pizza and cookies!

Stacey Kay said...

I absolutely love your outfit here. That red lipstick and headpiece are STUNNING.

Stacey Kay
Parlor City Vintage

Maria said...

You look so divine in these photos Lauren. I simply love it when you wear red lipstick and that flower crown goes perfectly with your white outfit. I'm glad things are slowly starting to look up... you ARE strong and I've never considered you weak at all. On the contrary, you are one of the strongest women I know.
xx Maria

Et tu, tutu? said...

This outfit is PERFECTION!


Sophie Jane said...

You look stunning!

Ashley of Southern (California) Belle said...

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. They're never easy (at 28 I've been through my fair share) but I promise you it gets easier with time. Do what you need to do to help you heal. It's nice to hear that you're being positive, that's honestly the first step to mending your broken heart. I feel for you and I'm sending positive thoughts your way!



Southern (California) Belle

Enter to win my Benefit cosmetics giveaway!

P.S. I absolutely love your outfit. Even when you're sad you look amazing <3

Charlotta, Afternoon Apparel said...

You look beautiful, red lipstick really suits you so well!

I'm glad to hear you're enjoying your time at Kent, andt hat you have such a strong support team and have also found a wonderful friend :) xo

Anonymous said...

i like your skirt. :)Irene Wibowo

Kezzie said...

Your posts may be sad, but that underlying strength and strength of character still comes through in the posts. It's great that you are so appreciative of what you have! Great news about Erin too!

Teddi said...

to friendship, care, & healing. :)

Anonymous said...

It's important to be able to let our feelings out! People that don't understand are the ones who naysay your feelings. Ignore them. Trust me.

I love your dress! And the red lips and flower crown really make the look so pretty. Beautiful as always! <3


Midwest Muse said...

Beautiful dress, lady!

Feel free to text me anytime! I'll come get you and we can take photos/explore/thrift/and eat treats!

Chin up!

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