a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I Circled Yes.

I'm taking psychology this semester (which I love) and as part of our grade, we have to be a participant in experiments. You know, I have to be an...er, test subject. It's really not as sketchy as it sounds, I promise! I went to my two scheduled sessions last week, each an hour and a half long.  I just took a test full of various, random questions, asking me to mark disagree strongly, disagree somewhat, agree somewhat, agree strongly, ect. The questions were of all sorts imaginable, around a thousand of them. I thought it was silly at the beginning of the test that there was a warning and I had to sign, agreeing that I was going to take this test and some of the questions may offend or upset me. I wondered what of these silly questions could make me upset.

I went along my second session last Monday, answering questions speedily, impatiently wanting to get on with my evening. That is until I came upon one that quite shocked me. It said;

Have you ever been in love?

I sat there for a moment, somewhat stunned. All of the rest of the answers had come easily to me, without even thinking. The room started spinning and I got hot; my heart stopped though, as soon as I read it. I quickly put no (as it was a yes or no question) and sat there a few minutes, tears welling up into my eyes unexpectedly. I told myself to get it together, not to cry in front of a bunch of strangers, but all I could think about was what I'd been through in the last month...for the last five years. I sat there, reliving so much so quickly, like watching a motion picture. I put my head in my hands, unsure of why all the emotions were coming to me, so out of the blue, out of something as harmless as a yes or no questions.

I then turned my pencil upside down and erased my no.

I circled yes, I have been in love.

With much love, Lauren.


Vicki said...

Oh my. Sending lots of hugs your way, Lauren! That must have been a really painful question to have to answer. Sometimes, though, those kind of things can help us to realize important things about ourselves....and that can be a good thing. I've had some moments like that.

And thanks for your ever so sweet comment on my blog!


Anonymous said...

Oh sweetpea, im sorry to hear u had to deal with those overwhelming feelings in a not very private space. But it is true that ultimately this will help you grow to an even more loving and beautiful person. When someone truely loves you, you'll have the wisdom to know how precious that is xxx

Teddi said...

aww the heartbreak, introspection, & hopefully some clarity. to hope

Unknown said...

I know that it can be hard to accept the love that you had, once that it is over. Keep your chin up sweetie. We are all behind you!


TaNuja said...

ohhh.... you have had a pure heart and honest intentions...

When you feel and know you have been in love nothing in the world can make it a no.

Take care girl :)

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