a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Let Go.

Goodbyes are these really hard things that no one wants to do, but sometimes even though they rip your heart out- they're for the best.

I had a group of best friends growing up since I was a little girl. My 8th grade year in school though (around five years ago) they turned on me and tortured me and bullied me. I had to end the friendship and it broke my heart because those girls had been my best friends for years. That summer was a miserable one for me and I remember going to bed crying every night, wishing I could change things and have them back, even though they had been so cruel to me. Turns out, my sophomore year of high school I was able to rekindle a friendship with all of the girls- not quite as strong as it had been, but to the point where we were all amiable with each other and still talk to this day.

My junior year of high school (around two years ago) I became best friends with a guy and a girl. They were my everything, the friends I had always dreamed of and pined for. I had never felt happiness like I felt with them; true, blissful, pure happiness. Our friendship lasted for half a year before they unexpectedly called things off, stating they didn't want to see me anymore. Even more so than with my previous best friends I was devastated. I became hopeless, bitter, and angry. Into my senior year and not until probably the mid to late end of it was I able to let go of the grudge I held against them for the cruel way they ended things with me. But just last Tuesday, I met with the girl who goes to Kent, as well, and all of those familiar feelings came rushing back. I'm seeing her again this coming Tuesday.

So I've come to another goodbye in my life today. One to my best-friend of five years and the hardest, most heart wrenching one yet. Just like the previous two times, I was upset for months, years, and the only thing I could think about was having what I used to have with these people. Wanting what my past was. I chose to put his and mine's friendship on hold right now for a lot of reasons and although it kills me more than all of my lost friendships put together, I know it's best to let go right now. I don't want to, but I have to. I'm still too angry and bitter and filled with hurt and regret. A lot of sadness, too, because he continues to put me last no matter what. But in my heart, I know that if it's meant to be, he'll come back to me and maybe we won't have what we had before, but we'll have something. I want that so badly but I can't force anything to happen and I'm tired of wishing and hoping I can change things when I can't. Like both times before, people change, they realize their mistakes, and then they can be sorry. I hope someday he can do that.

Because I miss my best friend and there will always be a hole in my heart as long as he is not there. That hole will take awhile to close up, but it will heal and someday, hopefully, be filled again ♥

Have a lovely weekend everyone...
With much love, Lauren.


Sara said...

oh lauren don't ever let people treat you badly. You are much better than that. Sometimes i feel like you underestimate yourself. Friends will always come and go. Some people are just not worth all the pain in my opinion. I hope you feel better :)


Anisha said...

All I say is good things fall apart for better things to fall together.
Hope you feel better soon.

❤Not Just My Allegories❤

Teddi said...

it's heartbreaking, but you are strong. now you can let others in? i'm sure you have room for new friendships.

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