a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Web of Lies.

Pussy Bow Blouse, Pleated Skirt, Gold Drop Earrings, Black Bow Clutch: Thrifted.
Black + White Flats: Charlotte Russe.

I wasn't completely honest with you all back in June when Matt and I almost broke up the first time. I listed a lot of reasons for our big blow up, but one I didn't list was the fact that he was involved with another girl. I thought I could be enough.

I guess I wanted to protect him, not having him totally be ragged on my family and all you guys so I didn't tell anyone (not even my parents). He had an intense texting relationship with her and hung out outside of class. He knew it upset me but did it anyways, to the point of our almost break up. It wasn't until the girl realized that the whole thing was wrong and stopped texting Matt all together that we decided to give things another chance. I thought I could win him back over, make him not want another girl again.

At the ending weeks of our relationship he started texting another girl. One I knew from school, who I was acquaintances with. I knew he was into her but I chose to ignore it, not wanting to be controlling. He texted her in the weeks following our break up, and two days after our break up wanted to get together and hang out with her. After I got super upset he didn't (to my knowledge). This is the girl he was with last night.

I know it wasn't cheating but it feels like the equivalent to it. Emotional cheating. With two different girls. He liked both of them and didn't have the courage to tell me or admit to himself. He's a coward.

He's always been a coward. I went to his house today to drop of all of his things. I can be a super irrational person sometimes, but when I make a decision to do something meaningful to me, I do it. So last night I knew I wanted to give him all of his stuff back. Stuffed animals, old lotions, photo booth pictures, and a box of hundreds of letters that he'd written to me over the years. None are recent though- he didn't even give me a birthday card this year.

Anyways, I went to his house, so nervous and his parents came outside. His mom hugging and crying. Me sobbing  because I'm going to miss them so much. They let me throw all of his stuff in the drive way and drive away. But not before Matt came outside smirking, telling me that I didn't understand, that I needed to hear his side of the story.

He never wants to admit he's wrong. I've had his parents, his friends, and people at the festival who saw him all tell me what he's been doing. Confirm everything that he's done and he still won't admit anything to me. He still won't apologize, admit he was wrong. That's what hurts the most I guess. Being lied to and not even receiving an apology.

I know you don't want to hear about all this. You probably think I'm being irrational, over dramatic, and immature. I am some of those things. Actually I'm all of them.

But I'm actually something else, too. I'm strong and I can get through this. I deserve someone better who will take pictures with me and go to my family events. Who will talk to me about something other than himself and ask me how I'm doing. Who will dance with me at a dance and not care about what people think and if he looks stupid. Who will love my body the way it is instead of bashing it and trying to change it. And I deserve someone who will treat me with respect and not do something like this to me.

I hope maybe someday Matt realizes that he will never, ever find someone who cared about him more than I did. He lost that all though. And he isn't ever getting it back.

With much love, Lauren.

P.S. Thank you for all of the flood of support you all gave me. I could say you're incredible, but you already know that. You all lift me out of the darkness of my sadness and into the light


Unknown said...

You are awesome Lauren! I know that you can through this. He doesn't know what he is missing.


Rubi Ruiz said...

You are strong Lauren! I don't know you personally but I can tell you are a wonderful girl and whoever God places in your life in the future to be your companion for life will be blessed to be with you. I genuinely love your blog and how real you are with your readers. I will pray for you!



Katie Burry said...

Oh, Lauren! You SO deserve someone better! And I know you already know this, but I felt the need to tell you, anyway.

I love you, girl and I'm excited to talk on Wednesday. ;D

Emily said...

It's hard to read what you're going through, because I'm going through something similar. Just stay strong, and keep telling yourself you're going to be fine, because, one day, it won't be a lie, and you WILL be fine.

On another note, I love the collages! They look so nice - you should stick with 'em. :)

Vicki said...

First, love the new blog layout!
Second, love your outfit!
Third, you are an amazing girl. I love that you just left it all in the driveway. I would have done the same thing, only I know I would have been much more dramatic, cause that's how I am when I'm set off.(; you'll get through this, and you'll come out even stronger.


Britney @ Scout and Company said...

You go girl!!!!!!

Georgia said...

Oh lauren, you are not being irrational/dramatic at all. It sounds like you are moving on, and that is fantastic. Hope everything gets better soon.


Leen said...

I love your outfit. and I do believe you really did the right thing with giving him his stuff back. sometimes making it all dissapear will help mend the hurt. and you're not overly dramatic. at least not from my point of view.


Amy said...

You will be better off without him! Your adorable and will find someone MUCH better!


Unknown said...

I just caught up on your blog and I'm really sorry about everything that happened, Lauren! I too went through something very similar with my high school BF and it was incredibly tough. I don't think I realized what truly being hurt meant until that point in my life! You are in my thoughts and prayers. You're a strong girl and I know you'll be okay! <3 Marie

PS Love the new blog design! SO darling!

Katherine said...

the worst part - he probably will never get it. you don't need to hear his part. he hurt you - that's that. he doesn't get the chance. people irk me sometimes. it really does suck because you obviously were close with his family - and that is the hard part to me. my best friend keeps in touch with the mom of her ex from high school (similar situation as yours actually - including the other girl thing) but not him.

anyhow, you will move on - and college will distract you SO much!

and this outfit! perfection as always and i love your new header!

<3 katherine
of corgis and cocktails

Teddi said...

lauren, your photos & your writing touch my heart. i'm sorry you're hurting. you are right though. you are strong. your future is wide open. do you think his behavior, made it easier for you to let go? looking ahead, to bigger, & brighter things. :)

Charmaine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charmaine said...

Oh my GAD, Lauren! Thanks so much for sharing this, it took a lot of guts to be this honest. So many girls, of all ages, put up with creeps like your ex for fear they won't find better or deserve better. We should have friends and lovers that build us up, not tear us down or makes us second guess ourselves. I'm really proud of you!

Charmaine said...

Also, if he really loved you and respected you he wouldn't have treated you that way. So glad you know that! No one deserves to be treated by their partner they way Matt treated you.

A Certain Vintage said...

this is so sad and an awful thing to go through :( you will definitley be glad you made the strong decision in a few months. You have so much good times and happiness in front of you and you could not go to those places if you stayed stuck with someone who can't appreciate you. He may learn one day, he may not. You are better off and I know that awful feeling about having to let your parents know and his parents know, but it's lovely that his mum was so supporting of you too.

Take care sweetheart :(

Courtney said...

It's going to get better. It may take a long time, but don't rush it. Getting over him will probably seem like it's taking forever - but just let that part go. It's okay for it to take awhile. Don't worry about it - just learn from your experiences and realize you're happier. You're going to be okay. You're more than enough.

Unknown said...

There's no better revenge in the world, than looking fabulous. You succeed :)

Camille said...

Lauren, I'm so glad that you realize that you deserve someone so much better! I believe that you will find your prince charming, it just takes some time. Just know that we are all here supporting you!


alovelylittleblog said...

firstly little lady you look STUNNING in these pictures. like a asian geisha!! i LOVE your hair like that, and that red blouse is just PERFECT!! love love love.

secondly even though it is hard, i promise you, i can guarantee you will find better and move on. you will have bad days, good days, sad days, mad days, happy days, weird days, all mixed around in each other. you'll be fine for weeks and then bam you'll feel like you've taken 10 steps back. my advice is to let yourself feel what you feel. it is a process that only becomes harder and more drawn out when you try and hurry it. if you're sad then just be sad. ill come to your dorm with a pint of ice cream and a movie. if you're happy then embrace it! you are lovely and beautiful and deserve someone who makes you feel so. someone who you can trust.

lots of love!! xoxo

Unknown said...

Aw Lauren! All I can say is you definitely have a right to be emotional and upset about this. There's a strong chemical connection between people in a relationship and when that's broken it's like coming off drugs. It makes you a bit crazy inside, but it's completely normal! I remember high school breakups where I felt crazy, but with time it went away. Also there's the fact that besides all the normal biology of the matter, Matt is a douche. He shouldn't have treated you that way and luckily you don't have to put up with that crap anymore. You'll find someone much better and maybe Matt will grow up someday and treat another girl in a way a girl should be treated.
You're awesome! Everything will be okay!

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