a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Thursday, May 2, 2013

When You First Wake Up.

There's this moment, and I don't know if any of you will know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you'll just think I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy. But there's this moment, and I just can't quite put my finger on how to explain it. It's when you first wake up and open your eyes. It doesn't feel real. You feel like you're floating, still lost somewhere in between the real world and the dream world. You're being pulled away by your clutching hands from the clouds in the sky back down to your bed. To reality. And suddenly, poof. You're back where you were when you closed your eyes last night. It's like you never left the bed, but you really did. You went back to all the best moments of your life and the worst. You met the person you looked up to and went flying and bought all the shoes in the world you wanted because you were rich. You fell off a building, went on a date in your underwear, and found yourself in the worst possible situation you can think of. You see your husband, you get your dream job, you're in Paris. All of that is washed away simply by opening your eyes.

And this is what I'm talking about. Right here, now read closely. It's this moment where time stops. You can't remember anything and your mind is...pure. You don't remember going to bed crying and you don't remember all of the stresses of life. You are completely blank for that split second and it is so blissful. So beautiful. At what other point in the day can you not remember anything, not place your bearings on who you are and what you feel? Name another moment when you don't feel anything but peace because your mind is cleared. Ready to start over for a new day and record new thoughts and memories and feelings. And as soon as you realize that you don't remember anything, you become oriented again and everything rushes back. You remember what you have to do that day, where you have to be, who you have to meet. And that moment is gone.

That's why that one second you wake up is the most important one of the day. When I open my groggy eyes in my top bunk bed, wearing my Ed Sheeran t-shirt and my hair in a messy bun, eye makeup still on from last night, mouth tasting bad, the words 'dream' above my head. It is the most important moment, and I cherish it every morning and look forward to it every night before I fall asleep because it's nothing for once. Happiness, sadness, pain, anxiety, anger, are all beautiful emotions to have. But having nothing sometimes is beautiful, too.

With much love, Lauren.


Sara said...

You have such beautiful writing lauren! I love this post so much. It reminds of an episode of the carrie diaries when she talks about how when you first wake up in the morning, you have no memory of anything that happened but after a few seconds it all comes back to you :) I love how you wrote it in more detail though! so precious!


Unknown said...

This is a beautifully written post. Just lovely! :)

Anonymous said...

This is the most beautiful and true thing I have ever read.

Jeannee said...

Beautiful piece of writing!!! That place of nothingness - that good place, where you don't remember the pain, the deadlines, all of that - there is a school of (religious) thought that when we are resurrected, that God will clean our minds ... of all that *stuff* ... and so maybe, dear Lauren, that is what we get a foretaste of, in that first waking moment???

I'm on a partial computer crash, so I usually can't access blogs (OR social media, tv, streaming videos ..) right now, SO - while I have this up! - I'm very glad you didn't drown - such a deal!!! YES it can happen in an eyeblink! More I can say on THAT but suffice it to say for now - grateful u r ok & that Erin was there! And I loved the - save u or your camera ;)

Anonymous said...

your friend is so pretty, she should be in more of your posts too!! :)

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