a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Not Goodbye, See You Later ♥

Tonight is the last night I'll get to spend here in my bed at Kent. It truly doesn't feel real.

This place has become my home for the last eight months. It has become my everything and I am so unwilling and sad to let it go. How do you willingly let go of the best year of your life? The happiest you've ever been? The most comfortable you've ever felt? You don't. It's hard and it's sucky and I don't want to. I've felt off all week long as my friends started to go home, the boxes of packed items stacked up in my room, and I started seeing more and more parents. I felt weird and I couldn't put my finger on it and today it just finally clicked.

I was taking down my poster and then out of the blue, I just started crying and I let myself cry (and I let myself cry right now) because it's okay to feel sad about all this and angry and scared. It makes me so incredulous how at the end of August last summer I was scared to come here. Now I'm scared to go back home.

It's been giving me a lot of anxiety these past few weeks thinking about going back to my 'old life,' because I'm not the 'old me.' I don't even recognize me, but in the best way possible. I've grown so much this year and I'm so proud of myself. I read back on some of my posts before I came and I wanted to accomplish so much, I had such high hopes and I am thrilled that I achieved every single one of the things I wanted for myself. Peace, happiness, independence, friends, a future, and so much more. I can't believe who I've become and it's so exciting and exhilarating. I just hope it stays.

I hope my home doesn't turn me into her again. That girl who's sad and alone and depressed. Who thinks too much and cries too often. Who isn't happy with herself or her life. I want to be done with her. Forever. And I'm just so nervous about her coming back this summer.

But for now I can't worry about that. I need to focus on this incredible life that God given me this year and count every one of my blessings, realizing I had a perfect year. A year I would not change one single thing. And I needn't not be scared or sad or worried because I get to come back in four months. 

In the end though, it's more than the fact that I'll be back and Kent will always be here and all that. It's the fact that no one or nothing can take these experiences or memories away from me. This will always stand true as the first and best year of my new life; in Christ and in happiness. No matter what changes this summer, next school year, or even with me: I had a beautiful, unforgettable first year of college.

See you soon, Kent. I love you.

With much love, Lauren.


Unknown said...

So glad to hear you had such a great year at Kent! I loved seeing all these pictures :)


Unknown said...

Oh I'm so glad you had a fantastic year in kent. Keep those spirits high and I'm sure it will continue back home. xxxx

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Charmaine said...

So happy to hear your first year of university was such a success! In four short, sweet months you'll be back at university in no time :). Have a great summer!

marcia said...

wow. I can relate so much right now... last night was one of the last days of my school co-op. and I am being forced to say goodbye because I'm not coming back next year. I've never been an outgoing person, but I met the best people ever there, and they have brought me out of my shell so much. the last two years with them were the best years of my life, God used them in so many ways. but now it's almost over, and I feel just as you wrote. change is so bittersweet. I hope this summer is full of all the joy and peace you experianced at Kent, just remember who the Source of all the joy and peace and rest in Him.
p.s. you are so freaking cute. ohmygosh...

Sammi said...

You are the cutest in those pictures! It's amazing that you had such a wonderful first year. I know it's a hard adjustment to come back home for a few months, but I think because you've had this experience, you won't revert to being the same Lauren you were pre-college. It'll go by quicker than you think, and you'll soon be back at Kent! :)

xox Sammi

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Unknown said...

Yay! This post just makes me so happy because I was hoping that college would make you feel this way because it really is the most wonderful time ever. Enjoy your summer so much and don't worry about that girl coming back because a place doesn't always define who you are; you define who you are!


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Lauren said...

I've been back from school for a week now, and if there's any advice I can give you (since we are the same person), I would say keep yourself busy. That's my plan and I want to keep myself busy, unless I plan to have downtime. Because it's in those unplanned boring days that kill me. So keep yourself busy with fun projects, with friends, with work (and with planned downtime). You got this!

Jeannee said...

Either you should be named the new Kent Mascot, or this should be printed in a national, college-level (perhaps Christian) magazine - or both!!! Excellent piece of writing, dear Lauren! - and - don't worry, love - I think we'd let u know if that Shadow Girl returns ...

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Lauren said...

You really do write so beautifully! I hope you have a great summer...just think - at least you're going into summer, unlike here in Australia where it's starting to get really cold! :)

Ali Hval said...

This is so lovely, and oh gosh, I can totally relate. I didn't want to come back at the end of last semester. I really enjoyed it, and the atmosphere, and the being by myself and on my own.It's just awesome that you were able to immerse yourself and enjoy college, because it is scary at first and it's scary to think you could ever like the change!

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Unknown said...

You are absolutely adorable! I just followed your blog via GFC. I am a Fashion Merchandising major at Kent State as well, third year! (Well, going on fourth as of now!) Love your blog!!

Xo Kay

Miranda said...

Oh my gosh I love these pictures! Looks like so much fun.

Teddi said...

lauren, one of my fave blog posts of yours. why? the photos and the words, both parts of you. :)

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