a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Why I Enjoy Being Single.

Floral Dress: Aeropostale.
Pink Blazer, Studded Loafers: Thrifted.
Pendant Necklace: Forever21.
Love and Bow Rings: Dahlia.
Flower Ring: Giveaway Win.
Lipstick: Revlon's Just Bitten Lip stain in 'Sweetheart.'

"Lauren, you should really get yourself out there and start dating." "Lauren, have you found a cute boy yet?" Lauren, you'd be much happier if you found yourself a nice guy." "Lauren, you're too pretty to be single, you need to find yourself a boyfriend."

I know family and friends mean well when they say these things to me, but sometimes people just don't get it.  
I am perfectly happy being single.

Not something a lot of young, college age girl say, right? It's not that I don't want to date. Want to oggle over cute boys and have crushes. Be taken out to dinner, given flowers, hold someone's hand. Be someone's everything. I do want those things, just not right now.

I haven't been single for a long time and for the first few months it was hard for me. I would see couples around campus and be bitter, hate that there was no one there to love me and show me the affection I "DESERVED." But as time went on, I began to realize how much I actually enjoyed being single. Instead of jumping into a new relationship to mask and get rid of the hurt/inadequacy I felt from the break up; I focused on myself and healing myself.

We live in such an instant gratification society. We want everything when we want it and we want it now. Food, internet, clothing. Even dating. I've observed around me at Kent and back at home just how people try and brush off feelings after a break up. Like everything else, they want to feel better instantly. They don't want to go through those months of hurt, loneliness, regret, and sadness. They want to feel better right away, fall in love right away, have someone care about them right away. But I was determined not to do what so many people around me do because I've seen how it never ends up working out. I wanted to heal my own way. The right way.

Healing takes time. It takes nights where all you want to do is cry. It takes those moments of anger where you rip up and trash every single thing that is a reminder. It means long talks with friends, phone calls late at night to your mom, countless pages of diary entries, and yeah; lots of chocolate. But through that whole process you learn to be dependent on yourself and you find out who you are in a way you never knew. You find out that you are capable. I never thought I could do things on my own, live without a person constantly giving me affection and love. Through the past months though I've learned that I can do so much I never thought I could. I am worth so much more than I ever gave myself credit for.

The great thing about being single is realizing your potential. Without another person defining you, you come to understand better what you want and what you don't want. What you want to do with your life and what you can do. These past eight or so months have been the best of my life solely because for the first time I am the best version of myself. It's ironic because you think you would learn to better love a person when in a relationship but I've come to find that it's the opposite. Now more than ever, I've better learned how to love by NOT being in a relationship.

And people just don't get why I want to be single. How I can be so content and why if I am healed and ready, why don't I throw myself back into the dating world? Because I've seen what it does to people. How it ruins them, twists them into unrecognizable beings of their former selves. Relationships (if not done at the right time, with the right person) strip you of who you are and leave you feeling dependent on something toxic

It's not to say that I haven't gone on dates in the past few months. I've gone of dates with guys and they've been awesome. The guys I've gone on dates with have all been so kind, sweet, and I really enjoyed talking to them. I've had crushes and see a dozen cute (so, so cute) boys a day here on campus. I'm not saying I wouldn't try with someone right now, not give someone a chance, but I'm really just not looking. I just don't want anything not because I'm stuck on my past, but because I don't want to for myself.

Sure I'd love to date a guy and be in a relationship within the next few years. I want to fall in love, get married, have children. But I know that at this point in my life, I'm not ready. You know when you're pushing yourself to be in a relationship just because you want to hide feelings,push away thoughts, mask hurt. And then you know you want to be in a relationship purely because you're ready to love. It's honest and true and beautiful.

I know that the right guy will come when it's the right time in my life. He'll sweep me off my feet and I think about him everyday. What he's doing, what makes him smile, and if he thinks about me. It makes me SO happy guys. I'm not worried I'll miss him, that I won't find him. Because I know that God is writing the most beautiful love story of all for me. That He has it carefully planned out, that He loves me and will bring me everything I want and deserve when He knows I am ready. And until then? I have His unfailing, beautiful love always which teaches me how I should love someday and everyday

With much love, Lauren.


marcia said...

amen. amen. amen. especially the last paragraph. The fact that God made a man just for me, and that he's out there somewhere and God's going to bring him into my life just at the perfect time... it just blows my mind sometimes.
And I'm so so happy for you. I'm happy that you've found happiness in Jesus and not in a guy. and I'm happy to see that you've been healing, not just putting a "band-aid" on it and saying it's okay.

and... your outfit is so adorable and bright and springy. The coral blazer is gorgeous. and I'm going to steal your jewelry too! ;)

Unknown said...

Very true! I'm so glad you're happy being single! It's hard to find other girls that are content with where they are. I know I'd rather be in a good relationship, but this is just where God has me right now.

PS your outfit is adorable :)

Et tu, tutu? said...

Very persuasive writing! Almost makes me want to be single again, haha. You're right - being single in college is a good idea because you can get to know yourself better and what you want out of life. Your outfit is super adorable by the way! Perfect spring colours. :)


Unknown said...

I love this post. Those quotes at the beginning, that is my family exactly! I had a break up last May, and since then I've been single, gone on a few dates but nothing went further than that. I have noticed that I feel a lot better being single, and that dating just makes people a little crazy. Thanks for sharing :)

Hannah | The Outfit Repeater said...

I so completely agree with this post!! I'm actually 22 and have never dated (not even been on a date!) but many of the points you made about just being SINGLE ring so true to me. A fellow single friend of mine posted this on Facebook the other day and I thought it was pretty interesting. Although, anything that makes me think of something outside of my norm is interesting. haha It definitely changed my mind a bit on relationships/marriage. I'm so glad to have read your post on the matter and would love to pass along the link! :) http://www.jdgreear.com/my_weblog/2013/04/single-christians-and-the-sacred-search.html

Unknown said...

Preach it, sister! I love everything you have said in this post! Especially about it's when you're single that you learn to love. I've never heard it put that way.

I love how being single gives you time and energy to really focus on working hard on finding yourself and working hard for God. And you're right He does have a plan and His love story is the greatest of them all.

Singleness is not to be looked down upon it's to be praised. So glad that you're feeling this way!

I hope you have a great week!

xo, gina

Kezzie said...

You articulate everything I felt when I was single. It's not that I didn't want to be happy and be loved and goodness, I did want to find my true-love but I was content to wait, not to 'panic-buy', to put it inarticulately! It was a long time after my first serious relationship breaking up that I met CBC and finally was willing to enter a relationship! You are beautiful, heart and soul x

Esther said...

Love this Lauren! I've thought about similar things, and you've just got it SO right! It's so encouraging to know that one day we will end up with a guy who we will have the most amazing love for and who will love us the same in return. That God has it all planned out and that we don't have to worry. Thanks Lauren for sharing this. God bless,
Esther x

Unknown said...

You are so completely wise, Miss Lauren! There are so many gals out there, some even older than myself that need to learn this. It takes awhile to heal, but that is an important and crucial process. Thanks for the reminder hon!


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