a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Monday, October 24, 2011

Go Ahead, Cry.

Swallow Peter Pan Collar Dress: Forever21.
Red Cardigan: Gaberiel Brother's.
Tights: JcPenny's.
Black Satin Heels: Thrifted.

I believe in crying. Sometimes I cry even when I'm not sad. It's a release of emotions for me and by crying it shows that I am all but human. Sometimes I cry by myself in the quiet of my bedroom at night, or driving alone in my car with the music turned high. However, today I embarrassingly began to cry at school in the middle of my English class. Here's why.

Currently in my Advanced English class we're creating an application essay to send to a college of our choice for admission. Although I have no intention of attending, I decided to apply to The Fashion Institute of Technology in New York just for kicks and giggles. The prompt for the essay is, " what makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?" Pretty vague, no? I was stumped all this past weekend over thinking about how I could answer that question. My teacher is always lecturing us about not creating the same essay an admissions rep has read over a hundred times, so I was distressing on writing something original.

However, I did finally manage to think of something to write about and it was right in front of my face. It's the easiest and most natural topic for me to write my essay about and show people who I am. I've written about it many times on this blog and each time I write about it, I cry. My journey of becoming who I am today.

In English class we were all sharing our ideas on our individual essays and I volunteered to go. I just started talking about my insecurities and self-loathing as a young pre-teen. About my hopelessness of ever feeling beautiful. Of my jealousy of every girl because she was more beautiful than I. My longing for breaking out of my shell, but the fear of judgement that held me back. I just kept talking and talking and I don't know quite what came over me. My voice wavered and I felt the unexpected tears steam out of my eyes in hot rivets down my face. As I finished my whole class and teacher sat in silence staring at me as I sat there embarrassed at my sudden outburst of passion and emotion.

But their reaction wasn't what I thought it would be. Instead of the awkward, pathetic, loneliness I usually feel they all started clapping for me and gave me praises of awe. My teacher, whom I can nicely say comes off as cold-hearted and unfeeling sometimes, was completely moved by my story. She told me if I wrote about what I had just said, I would get into the college and get any job in the fashion industry. At that moment,I felt proud of myself even though the tears of shame were still glassy on my face. To be praised for my story and told that I was extraordinary was one of the most wonderful feelings I've ever felt...

As I left the classroom today with a wadded up tissue in my hand still sniffling, my English teacher actually gave me a smile and I could see the admiration in her eyes. It made me feel proud to be who I am for once.
 Finally proud.

With much love, Lauren.


Jessica Celebre said...

This post is beautiful and so are you, Lauren. Really. I have no doubt that you can do anything you put your mind to.

Sweetened Style said...

You go girl!


Jenna said...

Yayayayayyayayay Lauren!!!!!! I totally agree with your philosophy on crying and congrats on moving your English class!!! It takes talent to move a group of teenagers :D
And you should always be proud of yourself, because you're awesome!!!

Sara said...

You have such a great smile! I love this entire look.

Stacey Kay said...

Wow you're so brave! What are you going to go to college for? FIT is a great school for creative types like you!

I love this look. Those white tights are fantastic.

Goodwill Huntingg: Enter my Shabby Apple dress giveaway!

claire said...

This post is absolutely beautiful, Lauren. I'm sure that would be an amazing college application essay.

Hannah said...

This is probably my favorite post ever. I can't even remember the last time I cried. To be that brave however to get up and cry, that's just amazing. I will reiterate that you, of all people, should never look in the mirror, and say "Ugly", instead, "Beautiful". I will have to admit, when I first started reading, I was beyond jealous of you! If your jealous of others, there are probably three more who are jealous of you (in a good way of course.) And I agree with your teacher. With that essay, that will get you in!
Good luck with everything!

Laura said...

I love your whole outfit, especially the dress! I am sure that you will get into any college with such a beautifully told story.


Marie said...

Congrats on the applause and a lovely post. Your hair is perfect for that sweet peter pan collar!

Marie @ Lemondrop ViNtAge
I'm having a giveaway...

Wild Flower said...

I have this dress, really I think we have the same closet haha :)

Just reading that story was inspiring. I would kill to be able to share my emotions like that and also to write as beautifully as you do! I'm quite jealous actually. I am so happy you are finally proud of yourself, I'm telling you girl, you're amazing :)


Jana K said...

Wow, Lauren. I admire your opened heart. You will go far for sure.


Ps glad you liked my poem.

Sara said...

you are literally so brave for presenting your insecurities to the class. Last year there was this one kid in my english class that is a huge stutterer and some of the kids used to make fun of him. While he was presenting his poem in english he kept stuttering and repeating the poem until he burst out in tears in front of the whole class. everybody just sat staring.One of the kids that made fun of him got up and hugged him in front of the whole class, he encouraged him and said it was okay and that he got his back. it was so sweet! anyway cute outfit!


Sara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Lauren, love, apply. Write the essay exactly as you've described it, and apply. You are an amazing, beautiful, and talented young woman with absolutely nothing to lose. Apply because life may surprise you. Apply because you are talented. Apply because it is a dream, and all dreams are worth living. Apply so that you never regret. Have faith, you can do it. Apply.

Alison said...

You have some great outfit posts. I am also a big fan of peter pan collars. Glad I stumbled onto your blog.

Zane said...

Love the post and your look too

aki! said...

I've started crying because of things I've written too. Good luck with your applications!

Unknown said...

And proud is ecaxtly how you should feel about yourself! You are amazing and beautiful and talented, and there is nothing stopping you from reaching whatever goal your mind is set on :) xxx

Kim said...

Brave & wonderful post!

Kezzie said...

How funny, I am just in the middle of writing a post about crying (am writing for my church magazine). Lauren, I am not surprised that was their reaction- as I've read everything you've written about your school fellows and school life, I've just felt that they were missing the real you and if they only knew the real you that they would want to know the real you! Well done, keep staying true to God and yourself!

Unknown said...

That little swallow print dress is so beautiful, I adore the white collar, and I think red looks amazing on you! your hair is pretty perfect too xxx

Caroline Ergy Erg said...

Lovely outfit :) white tights are adorable!

Velvet Bloom said...

so classic and cute
love it

Anonymous said...

wow. I wouldn't have been able to say such things to my peers around me (not because I cared about what they would think of me or what they would say, because I didn't - but because I didn't trust them enough with my personal information). That is very brave and lovely and I am glad they reacted so nicely about it. Good for you! You're an amazing girl, and I hope you realize that you are also an inspiration!

Sampada said...

That story was so touching. I feel like that sometimes too. It was super brave of you to tell that story to your class. Seriously, it's amazing.
Oh and I loved your outfit too! The dress is gorgeous. I always wanted a dress with that kind of collar.


Amber Schmidt said...

You are so much more than you know.
I'm sure you've inspired so many people at your school.

Maria Elyse said...

Gah, I am so incredibly proud of you! Seriously. Reading this made me smile and even cry a little. You deserved this so much, and it makes me so happy for you. ♥

I love seeing how your outfit photos just keep getting better and better as you learn the ropes of your new camera! It's delightful, really. :)

Maria Elyse
First Impressions
Flying Ships Vintage

A said...

you know what? I've felt almost the same things when I was your age and younger.. some I feel them even now at times. But I was never brave enough to turn my feelings into words and to let any other person find out about them. That's the word that came to my mind when reading your post: "brave". You shouldn't even feel the least ashamed of yourself. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and you damn well feel proud about yourself girl!

Unknown said...

You should be proud of who you are! Definitely!
Also, I love this outfit. That dress is adorable with the red cardigan and white tights.

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