a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Friday, January 24, 2014

Half Way There.

Vintage Cape, Black Loafers, Wool Hat: Thrifted.
High Waisted Jeggings: Aeropostale.
Nordic Sweater: c/o Chicnova.
Lipstick in MAC's Russian Red.

In nearly six more months it's hard to believe I'll be 21. Which is really strange for me to think about because I mean...didn't I just turn 20? That was August, Lauren (come on, keep up dummy). But it's had me thinking lately with 20 being almost half over what 21 means. 

It means I'll legally be allowed to drink in the United States.

I've never drank before--not even a sip of alcohol. It doesn't make me 'better' than anyone, it doesn't make me superior or smarter...it just means I haven't drank and for people who drink underage that's their own prerogative and decision. Since it's never been legal for me before, thinking about drinking has just never crossed my mind until recently with the realization that I (can?) in half a year. And it has me wondering what I'll do, really. I don't really want to drink. I have no itching desire and I'm actually (call me a sissy) quite scared of it.

With my OCD, I love to be in control. I don't like to do anything where I cannot control my actions and what I'm doing. And the thought of willingly doing something that makes me lose control actually really scares me. Now I know that one drink isn't going to knock me flat on the ground and have me riding mechanical bulls, but at some point it could. It's the thought, the chance. I don't know where my limits stand and the thought of pushing them doesn't really appeal to me. It's been quite awhile since I talked about my OCD, but it's very specific in that I'm completely terrified of throwing up which, is a side effect of drinking too much. I know it takes a lot of alchol to throw up, but even just the thought that it could be possible if I were to drink terrifies me.

And then on the other hand I feel just this duty (?) to society to drink. Not really a pressure, but just that it's like this rite of passage to have drinks on your 21st. Will I regret if I don't do that? It sounds silly and stupid, but I'm an insanely sentimental person and I'll never get that 'first day to legally drink' back. But then again, do I really want my reason to drink to be just because 'it's what you do on your 21st birthday?' Or do I want it to be when I'm ready, when I feel confident, and when it feel completely my decision?

I guess society just has this way of drilling into us that we have to drink, that it's just a part of our culture (At least in the US it seems). There's no right or wrong time to start drinking, preferably when it's legal, but like I said that's other people's decision and that's fine. But I suppose it's okay to drink or not drink after you turn 21; at the end of the day it's your decision and your right.

What my decision yet is I'm not quite sure. I suppose I'll let you know in another six months.

With much love, Lauren.


Rachel Sayumi Porter said...

gorgeous outfit~

Unknown said...

I always forget you're my sister's age! You'll be fine having a drink as long as you don't overdo it. You never know what things you'll end up enjoying. You could really like the taste of wine or fancy beers. You'll never know until you try! But it's probably smartest to just monitor how much you have so you don't have problems with being out of control. One drink won't do that to you though, so no worries. Just like anything - moderation is best!

But anyway, I love this outfit so much. Your red lipstick looks gorgeous with your wintry sweater and cool knit cape. So pretty, as always!

Katie Selt said...

You look phenomenal!

I turn 21 next month, actually, a month from tomorrow, and I have the same apprehensions.

It's a right of passage, of course, to drink on your 21st, but if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it. Simple as that. Of course, you may like the taste of wine, or maybe a fancy cocktail, but nowhere in life does it say you have to drink.

Nothing's wrong with not drinking.


Lord and Lady Herndon said...

Actually, you could let the whole "To Drink or Not To Drink on Your 21st" be a moot point because you'll be in Italy before then, where the legal age to drink is much lower. One small glass of red wine with a fantastic Italian meal when you choose, how you choose, could be the best way for you to introduce yourself to alcohol. Americans don't handle alcohol well, I think, so it is sort of nice to go overseas and experience another culture's view of it.

Kezzie said...

Interesting question!! I don't drink now. I'm not tee-total, I occasionally have a Baileys or a cocktail when out but that might be once a year or every two and tthat's it. I absolutely HATE being sick (not got OCD though) and twice at Uni, I was sick from drinking some alcohol and dodgy food combo. BUT, apart from that, I really never wanted to drink because I thought it was SUCH a waste of money-I had limited money and wanted to spend it on clothes, trips etc. So I didnt drink much or very often. AND to be honest, I'm just not bothered by the taste if it, I hate beer nd wine. Don't mind cider. I gave up drinking when I went to Bali as I didn't want there to be any possibility of getting out of control on my own in a foreign country.

I think, if you're in a safe environment with people who care for you, you might feel comfortable to try something, if you wanted. But as you say, you don't have to conform to society. And I don't think you are a conformer! I do get people thinking I'm weird for rarely drinking but I couldn't care less!!! But glad I tried it.

Whew. Waffle alert!!! X x
Nice outfit! X

Kezzie said...

And FAB hat! X

Kimi, twenty-something simple said...

I highly recommend trying Italian wine. We have Italian wines here, but there is a lot of wine in Italy and that's one thing I wish I would have done while I was studying abroad there. (I only shared a glass of prosecco with my then-boyfriend.)

I, too, was much like you and afraid to drink. I had a couple of drinks on my 21st birthday and that was it. I still don't drink that much and have never been drunk. (Throwing up is also one of my worst fears, so that's why I avoid being drunk!) Just take your time and drink on your own terms! :) Doing something you really don't want to do/are really uncomfortable with is not worth it.

xo Kimi

Anonymous said...

Hi! I think you should do what makes you comfortable. If you do decide to drink make sure you're with people you trust and that they wont pressure you. Drink at a slow pace to see how you feel. When I was younger, I admit sometimes drinking got out of hand. But now That I'm a Lil older(32), I enjoy wine more, its nice to have a glass and relax at home. Maybe try wine first? If you like sweet, I highly recommend Moscato. Its my favorite! Enjoy being young, your 20s really fly by! Marie

Ellie Balangue said...

I love the cape and your top!
keep in touch :)


Anonymous said...

PS..if you decide to drink, make sure you've eaten something and drink lots of water before and in between drinks:)

The Dragonfruit said...

Isn't it so true how society has it drilled into us what they consider social norms? I hate it, and the feeling of having to explain myself to others all the time because of it is exhausting and awkward.
I think you should drink when YOU feel prepared for it. "Just because you're 21" shouldn't be the reason for it. That'd be caving to the society norms they're practically shoving down our throats.
Okay, did I sound a little angry there? Haha, oops!
Anyway, whatever you decide, at least you waited until the legal age to drink! Most don't even wait till then.
So on a lighter, more sartorial note, you look absolutely lovely and despite what looks like a snowfall, still calm and dreamy. I'd be doing a jitterbug dance or something. Haha, I don't handle the cold that well!

The Dragonfruit Diaries

Unknown said...

Hello Dear--Never got the appeal of drinking. Tastes horrible and makes people think they are much more amusing than they actually are. But by golly it does look cool, I will give it that much. I have had alcohol a few times in my life with no ill effects, just doesn't do anything for me. Different for everyone I suppose.

Very cute combo of the sweater and cape. Who else is gorgeous and radiant enough to pull off a cape? Just sweet you :) xoxo

Katie Aman said...

I am nearly 25 and I've still never had a drink. I don't regret it. Personally I just think alcohol stinks and is too expensive, haha. I share a lot of the same feelings as you.
On another note, these photos are STUNNING! I really need to get out and snap some snowy photos soon. The timing never works out! The snow sure adds such a pretty element. I adore your hat especially.

SM said...

I don't like the idea of loosing control over my body or behavior. I guess I have a control issues. That's why I don't get drunk. But I do drink alcohol. Believe me a glass of wine or liquor won't do you any wrong ;)

Katie said...

I feel like being scared of alcohol is really limiting, because there's so much awesome stuff and you don't always have to worry about getting drunk.

I AM TOTALLY WITH YOU on the "needing control" thing. I have pretty bad anxiety, and one thing people with anxiety disorders are really prone to is abusing alcohol - liquid courage, right? So I always try to be insanely careful. I end up being that woman at the party that nurses two drinks while everyone else has six.

Basically, the best thing is to cultivate a palate for wine or straight alcohol drinks like martinis. Then you sip and sip, you don't find yourself knockin 'em back, and you can really enjoy the taste.

FOr me, wine, beer, and some cocktails are delicious and they're a part of fancy dinner. ALthough obviously, drink or don't drink as you will, all not-drinking is is saying 'no', and all drinking is is saying 'yes'. Same amount of syllables, same overall meaning in life. :)

Emmy said...

Don't listen to whatever anyone else says: drinking is wrong. Most Christians don't drink. Enough said. It's your decision, but in my personal opinion, even a small sip of anything is wrong. End of story!

Wild Flower said...

Love the print on the sweater :)

Regarding drinking, I have a motto. If you are drinking just to get drunk then don't do it. I like beer and I like some of the fun girly drinks. I only have them occasionally and don't get completely wasted too often. Moderation is key, but really, you should only drink if you want to. It's up to you girly!


Verity said...

You are such a cutie. I love that sweater.
From someone who faced this decision not that long ago and chose to buck the cultural norm, I have to ask, why start, especially if you're worried about it? I chose not to drink because I have seen to many lives shattered by alcoholism and drunk driving, there are no health benefits worth the risk of addiction, I prefer to remember the fun that I have and for a host of other reasons too long to mention here. Plus, there are plenty of other things to drink that don't have the incredibly long history of violence and abuse of alcohol. Coffee for the win, right? :)

Jenna Leigh said...

Beautiful outfit :)


bixspiderbeck said...

Lauren, I didn't have a drink until I was 26. I mean, I had a sip of wine and beer before that, but I didn't like the taste of either of them, and drinking never appealed to me. I didn't drink at all throughout college - not a drop. I didn't drink on my 21st birthday. I don't regret it. Why? Because it wasn't something that appealed to the person I was then, and that is absolutely okay.

I still rarely, RARELY drink, and when I do, it's basically one fuzzy navel wine cooler (which is delicious, by the way). Like you, a small part of my motivation for not drinking was also the fear of losing control. But you know what I learned? No one just loses control. It's always a choice. It is 100% within your control to have one beer or one glass of wine or one wine cooler or whatever, and that's all.

I think you're a lot like me, in that we both struggle with feeling sometimes - in some weird way - like we don't always have control over our actions or who we are. I think that feeling and anxiety go hand-in-hand. But what I've begun to realize and accept is that we DO have control. We can stop at one drink. Having one drink does not mean you'll have another and another and another. It doesn't mean you'll get drunk, and it doesn't mean you'll throw up. It means you'll have one drink.

You get to control who you are and what you do. No one else - and no mysterious outside forces - will compel us to do things we don't choose to do.

That has been a big thing for me to come to terms with. I know it probably sounds silly to others, but I suspect you can relate.


Kezzie said...

I agree that drinking to get drunk, you shouldn't do it!

Kezzie said...

Yes and this too!! I had a church friend who died of alcohol related conditions. He came to Christ late in life but he had a choice to stop but it was too ingrained in him!
And I always like knowing I can have fun as just me, not alcohol+me! Plus, lindyhoppers don't drink! They dance and drink water!

SB said...

Just something for you to consider hun and that is how your meds and the alcohol work or not together. I know you are meds for your OCD/depression and I'm not sure how the alcohol will mix. Take my hubby for example he is on anti-d's now he's kinda a big person like 6ft 6in and 15 stone (sorry I don't know what that is in lbs but a lot) but if he drinks on his meds he can only have a quarter of a pint before he is drunk.Luckily a happy drunk and a cheap night out but I just wanted to comment that alongside deciding if you want to drink or not please check that it is going to be ok with your meds.

Camille said...

I think that you should drink when you are ready to! Just because you turn 21 doesn't mean you have to drink. I think it's more meaningful to wait. I don't drink (I'm 18 and it's not legal for me to). It's my own personal decision. I go to a really big party school in the South where most people do drink, but I stick to my morals. I think you should do you, Lauren!


Stephanie Loudmouth said...

First off, you look WAY too comfortable in that snow haha. Mad props! I'd be freezing my booty off, but you look gorgeous and cozy!

Secondly, the whole drinking thing -- I know what you mean. I started drinking when I was 18, but that was pretty old in my town. I had friends that started when they were 13. I grew up in a very small, cold, farm community in Michigan where there wasn't much to do, so most kids got into alcohol and drugs. I'm glad I waited until I did, because I waited until it felt right. I ended up enjoying alcohol (probably a little too much) for the opposite reason that you say; I'm a control freak myself, and having an excuse to lose control is fun once in awhile. It's not good to constantly be worried and anal about everything. I'm not encouraging you to drink (totally your decision), but you might end up enjoying be able to let go and let loose!

Bottom line though, you need to do what's right for you. Alcohol is extremely unhealthy and there's really no reason for it unless you like the taste or feeling. You shouldn't do it just because you're allowed too. Cigarettes are legal too but it doesn't seem like you smoke them. :) Do what feels right and try not to feel pressured either way -- by society, friends or anyone else.

And, to be honest, now that I'm 26 (about to be 27) I rarely drink anymore. It just doesn't have the appeal that it used to. I do really enjoy a good beer at a gastropub though, or wine tasting at a vineyard -- these are fun experiences and aren't just for 'getting drunk.' Just a couple ideas. <3

Anonymous said...

I live in Wisconsin, and there, it is legal to drink at a younger age, if you are with your parents. I grew up occasionally getting sips of wine, and as I've grown older, every few weeks, I have a small glass with a meal.
I think that is actually really healthy and safe; having alcohol be a thing to "do" when you turn 21 can lead to dangerous results. You just go crazy when that time comes and you can finally "do" it. I consider it a drink to enjoy because of the taste, and I will never by any means let it get control over me, even for a night.

Anonymous said...

Society's desire for drinking is such a shame...just be true to yourself. If you don't want to go for drinks for your 21st, don't feel you should. For me, I went to Uni knowing that part of it was the expected drinking...and yet I am proud of the fact I never got drunk. Yes, I had alcohol, but hardly ever, and I never felt the need to succumb to the pressure of my peers to drink loads for the sake of it. You like control, so I believe you'll be strong enough to know enough is enough. Don't be scared :)

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