a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Wishing For The Impossible.

Navy Poncho, Brown Wedges: Thrifted.
White Dress: Delia's.
Pearl Necklace: Forever21.
Ring: Gift from reader Kezzie.

It's been a rough day. It started when I woke up at seven this morning and it hasn't stopped since.

I give so much to people. I give them my heart right from the beginning and trust so easily. I make people my everything because  all I want in return is even the tiniest bit of love and care back. At the end of the day, every single time though I get crapped on.

People in my real life just don't get it. I'm always being disappointed, let down, taken advantage of, and it never ends. I don't know if I just have "ready to be taken advantage of and let down" written on my forehead or what, but that seems like the only thing people in my life do anymore.

I thought it would all go away when I left high school. People would change, they would grow up, they would care. It hasn't been the case though; things haven't changed in that aspect. I just for once want to be appreciated and loved and respected like all that I give...and right now I haven't a lot of hope I'll ever find that.

I used to be able to deal with being used and abused because I had one person who would never do that to me. I had a person I never thought would. Turns out that was all a lie and I can't even rely on him. The one person I always could.

So, I'm at a weird place now of where I'm tired of being hurt. Tired of getting crapped on and everything that comes along with it. I'm so.tired.of.it. Like every situation in my life, it seems like I can't do anything to control or make things better. It's all in the hands of other people. And that stinks. A lot.

But things will get better. Someday.

With much love, Lauren.

P.S. These pictures were taken at a local park in Kent this weekend when I went with my friend Erin. It was the most beautiful place I've ever been to. I felt infinite there.


Sara said...

you LOOK infinite lauren! i really love your poncho! these photos are beautiful!


Carlee, Little Sloth said...

Keep your head up girl. You have us readers as support! And you look lovely. I really like that dark lipstick on you!!!
Almost Endearing

Justin & Lindsay said...

I'm obsessed with this outfit. And the lipstick! Keep your head up dear. You are wonderful. :)

shay said...

1. these photos are BEAUTIFUL! gosh I love them
2. Keep your head up girl! Giving too much can be a curse-but it's also a wonderful blessing. Don't turn hard, and don't give up <3

Kristian said...

You look gorgeous and the place magical, so there's always that.

Sorry things have been so rough and that you are feeling so badly. Keep your head up; you're fabulous.

Et tu, tutu? said...

Hey Lauren, I can totally relate, but someday you will find that someone who won't do that to you, and God is always there to get you through it. You look lovely, as usual, and you are just as lovely on the inside as you are on the outside.


Unknown said...

Gorgeous photos, Lauren! You are so pretty and your outfit is so lovely. :)

Unfortunately people will often fail to meet our expectations...that's what I've seen and experienced so many times in my life...but God hasn't ever failed me yet and I know that he won't ever. He's the one I cling to in hard times and I hope that you have placed your faith in him so that you can hold onto him and let him comfort you in a way that no human ever could.

I really hope your week improves!


Katie Selt said...

You look so lovely. I hope that things look up for you.

Also, congrats on winning the Found by Fleet contest!

Ms. Falcon said...

cute outfit. cozy, warm and chic.


Alice, Pretty Confused said...

I think it is so wonderful that, despite everything you have been through lately, you haven't become hard and jaded Lauren. It's unfortunate that people so rarely think of the people around them, but please don't let them turn you into someone like them. One day you'll find people who appreciate you for who you are (and not just your blog readers!)

You look absolutely stunning btw, this mix of navy and white looks amazing on you, and I love the darker lipstick, it's such a great colour for you xo

Anonymous said...

That's exactly how I feel too.. I always feel so hopeful but in the end no relationship turns out how I hoped it would, and I often end up feeling left behind. I'm so glad that we have God to rely on, and that we can trust that everything is in His hands<3

Your outfit is gorgeous, and that colour lipstick looks stunning on you!

Kezzie said...

Bless you lovely! Keep hoping, keep being you xx

Jeannee said...

You, my dear Lauren, are an exemplar of love and light and decency, and unfortunately when others see people like that, especially if they have a predatory nature ... And so you need to actively learn to not just give your heart away so easily - perhaps a book on boundaries, Dr Cloud, Melody Beattie (which are most likely also available in audio books)... If you don't begin to protect yourself now, while u r young, you will lose your sweetness, trust me on this!, because you've been hurt far too many times (((LAUREN)))

Midwest Muse said...

The sweater and pearls are a perfect combination.

Mihaela said...

"I felt infinite there."...love this so much!

Teddi said...

well you look infinitely pretty, and you will be stronger. you will reach a point when you won't tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. i guarantee it.

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