a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Monday, April 4, 2016

Anxiety Sucks.

Anxiety sucks.

But I'm sure you all don't need me to tell you that. Whether you have anxiety yourself or someone you love has anxiety, it can be exhausting to handle. My anxiety stems from my OCD that developed around when I was 12 years old. For a decade I've had to deal with this. Sometimes I just wish I was normal.

Life has just gotten to me lately. A potent mixture of school, work, and my imminent graduation in May. I've never dealt well with change, and with perhaps the biggest change of my life thus far impending my anxiety has just been through the roof. 

It gets to a certain point where you don't even know what you're anxious about anymore. You wake up and go to bed with knots in your stomach and you forget what it even feels like to not want to burst into tears at any given moment. A good way to describe it is suffocating. You feel like you're internally suffocating, gasping for this air that your lungs can perfecting inhale. It's not the real air you need. It's a grasp on life. 

I think anxiety is suffocating because you don't know how to get rid of it. If you're sick, you go to the doctor and are prescribed medicine. You're hungry, you fix dinner. You're tired, you take a nap. What exactly do you do when you have anxiety? You feel so helpless. I've been to therapy. I've been on medication for five years. I still feel like a small infant child who doesn't know how to do anything without her parents helping her. 

I know things will get better. They always, always do. My anxiety comes in tumultuous, crashing waves then seems to dissipate without any reason. For me, what helps is knowing I'm moving forward. Anxiety can feel like you're crippled: like you're immobile. So what I try to do is be proactive and write lists so I can visually see what I need to do. Crossing off tasks is more than just an OCD satisfier. It's a way so I can see that I am working hard. I am moving along. I am continuing to fight for the things I want for myself. 

Anxiety may suck but that doesn't mean it gets to own who I am.

With much love, 

Outfit Details:
Black Halter (identical from F21): Aeropostale.
Sea Shell Wrap Skirt (similar wrap skirt): Thrifted.
Black Sandals (similar): c/o Boohoo.
Lipstick in MAC's Lady Danger.


Curls n Cakes said...

I'm so so sorry you feel this way. Anxiety and OCD really truly does suck, and it feels like not a soul in the world understands how hard they make life.
I just wanted to say that I'll be thinking of you, and if you need to talk to anyone you are more than welcome to contact me!
Much love,

Kezzie said...

I understand anxiety well. I get caught up in absolute knots with it and my husband doesn't seem to get why I am so anxious. He just thinks I'm being ridiculous about trivial things. I wish I could stop it. He tells me to relax as I'm sitting there rigid with tension but that makes it worse.
Sorry to hear you are so anxious despite a beautiful relaxing break with your family. I guess it just lurks there until the cause is finally resolved, e.g finishing uni, getting to ny etc.
Ooh, you look a bit burnt, ouch, hope it isn't too painful!

Amanda S said...

Anxiety is really the worse. It's sometimes hard to understand and even more difficult to help others with due to the fact that everyone has different manifestations. There are days that I have to walk myself around the house so as to put myself in the right frame of mind. Having gone through many many ups and downs and all arounds, the best thing was finding a strategy that worked and could be repeated even during the most stressful times. Hopefully you end up finding what works best for you.

Anonymous said...

((LAUREN)) I, too, understand very well! ... I admire you, dear one, because even with your anxiety going on, you are doing pro-active things to deal with it: for one thing, you are not walking around looking like the picture of depression & anxiety, according to this beautiful OOTD picture! (You don't even want to know what I look like right now - it would scare you ;- ) For another, you're talking about it and getting feedback ... & I for one will certainly keep you in my prayers! ... I was surfing through your blog the other day, and I was just awestruck all over again! at how wonderful your journey has all unfolded - and how much you have matured! & that means you have a history of victories, and personally that always helps me, at the worst times ... ((((God bless u))) Jeannee, Sparkle4Jesus@outlook.com

Anonymous said...

I've struggled with anxiety also and yes it is very tough, but like you said just believe that it will get better and don't let it control you, and know you're not the only one dealing with it and you can always find someone to talk to if you do need help! Love this outfit btw! :)

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