a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Monday, May 5, 2014

Spring Awakening.

Vintage Dress, Vintage Clip Earrings, Cardigan, Necklace, Loafers: All Thirfted. 

I've been debating back and forth for awhile whether to share this or not on the blog, and my first initial response was 'no.' I've thought about it more lately though and realized that the only reason I was saying 'no' in my mind was because I was afraid of making the same mistake I did the first time I shared something like this. The more I thought about it, I realized it didn't have to be like the first time--I could do it in the right way this time.

Well, this is somewhat strange for me to say and a few weeks into it I still can't quite wrap my mind around it yet, but...I'm in a relationship.

The last time I was in a relationship was nearly two years ago (I still can't believe it's been that long already) and it didn't end well. My boyfriend at the time was a pretty integral part of my blog-- I talked about him a lot, posted all of our homecoming and prom photos and you all were very familiar with him. When we broke up after 5 years of dating, I didn't take it well at all, and that's an understatement. I used my blog to get back at him and write these awful posts that were way too personal for the entire internet to see and read...and I hurt him and a lot of other people in the process and I've just always really regretted the way I handled things with it.

After that really bad break up, it probably took me a good year or so to be okay again. I had a miserable freshman year of college trying to get over things and learn to be single for pretty much the first time in my life (I started dating when I was 13!). But I definitely wouldn't change the experience because I grew so much from it and I'm proud of this strong, independent person I've become. I was very jaded for a long time about dating again and was vehemently against it. I didn't let boys compliment me, take me on dates,or even try to get to really know me. I was a closed off wall and was determined to not let anyone in for  really long time.

And I guess it's always true that when you're finally content with yourself and can be happy being single that something does come along out of no where. And it really took me by surprise and aback because I didn't feel ready yet to just process being in a relationship with someone again. 

I prayed about it and thought about it a lot. I mean, a lot. I felt like I needed to find peace with God that this was a right decision for me and a step in the right direction. I just didn't want to rush into things and be stupid...I wanted to make sure it felt 100% right for me. The fact that I was going to travel and be away for four and a half months in Italy was a huge factor holding me back for a long time. I'm young yet and I want to be selfish and do things for myself, and didn't want another person to have to wait for me and stand behind while I went and lived my life. But thankfully, he is incredibly supportive and doesn't want to hold me back from things, but wants me to experience life and I felt at peace with that. I also knew that I just didn't want to let something go and not even try because of 'what if's' of me going to Italy. I wanted to see and try it for myself, like I am with every learning aspect of my life. I like to know for myself, not because someone else tells me I should feel that way or do this or that, as well.

I made a conscious decision when I started dating him to not talk about it on my blog. It wasn't that I'm ashamed of him, but more of I just don't want what happened before to happen again. I didn't want my blog to become centered around this person who may or may not be in my life in the years to come. It just feels wrong to constantly bring people in and out of your blog. Sometimes it's better not to mention them at all; not because you're hiding them, but more so protecting them just from the hurt of having your life and relationship play out in this strange, internet world where everyone's listening and judging. 

I also just never want my blog to become this mushy, gushy place where 'we're so in love! we do everything together! look how cute we are!' I don't know, I've done that before and I'm kind of embarrassed for myself. It's not wrong for people to do it, I just realized it was immature of me and didn't fit who I was. It was a learning experience to not put every single aspect of my life on this blog, and I've gained a lot of knowledge about what to do and not to do in the 4 and a half years I've been blogging; and that's one of them for me.

So, I'm dating. It's weird. I don't really know what to think about it yet and don't even really like talking about it because it's a strange, new concept for me, ha. I just felt like you guys should know...because you all invest so much time and love into me and this is, well, a big step for me. In growing as a person and in my faith and who I am and I wanted to share that with you all because that's my favorite part of this blog-- letting you all get to know me and see the real me. It's what this blog has been from the beginning, and I hope it's what it will always remain.

I don't plan on posting about him much, if at all. Perhaps an occasional instagram of our adventures this summer but nothing serious. And if I ever get mushy gushy...keep me accountable and tell me to stop, ha! I'm counting on you guys :)

With much love, Lauren.


Lauren said...

Honestly, I think it's fine if you still talk about him, because he is a part of your life, and if things work out, will be a huge part of your life, and that's totally fine! I think it's super cute and I want to see lots of cute pictures, because it makes me happy seeing you happy. :3 (Haha but I also understand not wanting to talk about him all the time ... I don't want to do that with my boyfriend either). But my point is that if you ever do want to blog about him, I don't want you to feel bad about it just because you said you aren't going to do it--he is a part of your life and you have a right to talk about him if you want!

Okay sorry about the wall of text. You're adorable, as always. :3

Anonymous said...

I believe God allows us to make mistakes so we can learn from them. Also, so we can realize how great He is. I made some pretty bad mistakes when I was a teenager, but they brought me to my husband and, more importantly, they brought me to Christ.

And I agree with Lauren...don't feel bad if you feel you want to write about your current boyfriend. There's absolutely no shame in sharing those parts of your life, even if they end up becoming painful memories. I hope not for your sweet sake, but in case they do, it'll be interesting to look back at it and see the big picture and how you've grown from it.

Good luck to you, dear! You're looking lovely as always.

Love, Amy

Hannah | The Outfit Repeater said...

I've had a lot of moments in my blogging lifetime that I look back on now and wince at. I totally get what you're saying! You have to find such a fine balance of what to share & not share. I'm super duper happy for you and I look forward to what you are able to tell us. :)

Anonymous said...

These pictures are stunningly breathtaking. Perfect background, perfect colors, perfect outfit. I love it!
I wish you much happiness in your new relationship. Definitely don't share more than what is comfortable for you - but we do love to hear about the people who are dear to you. The bloggers I love the most are the one's who get me invested in their family and friends and life.

Katie Selt said...

Look at your hair! And your smile!
You're so gorgeous!

As someone who's been in the same shoes as you, I know how you feel. I wouldn't want to disclose a lot of my personal information on my blog either--which is why I don't. I don't want to get questions like "oh where; so-and-so" and have it reopen woulds that might have just healed. You're perfectly fine to not post things about your new relationship!


anna gutermuth said...

I saw your outfit pictures at squealed "Oh my gosh, Lauren looks so cute!" Seriously, A+ outfit & hair & makeup & everything.

And congrats on your relationship! (Is that weird to say?) I completely get the not wanting to share on your blog thing... I've been there before too.

xo, Anna

Ashley said...

This outfit and these pictures are perfection! <3 And congrats and good luck on what sounds like an already healthy relationship! I hope he makes you happy and feel free to post about him if you'd like to! Don't feel guilty about it that is!

Rachel Sayumi Porter said...

WOW! You are stunning, Lauren!

Forwhichtheheartbeats said...

You look so pretty here. I love everything about this outfit.
And well, on your relationship status, congratulations! <3 I can understand all that dilemma inside of your mind and why you wouldn't want to share more personal things here on the blog. Completely understandable.I hope and wish you guys whole lot of togetherness and all the happiness in the world.

Britney @ Scout and Company said...

I am really happy for you Lauren! Really happy. :) :) :)

Britney @ Scout and Company said...

I am really happy for you Lauren! Really happy. :) :) :)

Elliementary, My Dear said...

So pretty :) I love how your sweater and shoes match the flowers. I think you're smart to keep your relationship private if it's not something you really feel like sharing. I don't talk about my boyfriend very often on my blog because I'm not comfortable sharing certain aspects about my personal life. Glad to hear that you've found a nice guy though.

Christine said...

Thanks for sharing this! I totally see what you mean. But it is good that you prayed before deciding to share this on your blog... for bloggers, a blog is really like an extension of who we are!

Also, I want to invite you to my giveaway! It's not only a giveaway, but is also helping promote the Internatinal Princess Project's #HopeForMoms project, which is collecting words of encouragement through statuses with this hashtag on social media to give to the mom survivors of sex trafficking that they work with in India. You can enter here:

I look forward to your visit on my blog,

Femke said...

Hello Lauren,

You are seriously my favorite fashionblogger at the moment. I love your style so so much :)!

Femke, the Netherlands

Unknown said...

An absolutely beautiful photo shoot, dear Lauren, something out of a magazine (seriously!) ...

You've done something that I never even learned to do until I crested middle-age (and by then had 1 divorce and a child) : to be 100% yourself, and to be sure 100% of yourself, BEFORE becoming coupled-up again. You're an intelligent & spiritual young lady, and - again - I am in awe of you!, and honored to be along on the journey!!!

Sammi said...

Gorgeous, gorgeous photos, Lauren. I wish I had a magnolia tree! Also, I'm really glad that you shared this. Of course, I knew about it already (tee-hee!), but I was wondering if you were being quiet about it for that reason. I completely relate. I didn't talk about my ex ALL that much when we were together, but he was definitely featured on occasion. Our breakup was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, and I did end up writing about it (ironically, I think it actually got me more followers... go figure lol), but only because I felt it was a necessary thing for people to know in order to explain absence or feeling down, etc. I completely understand why you are being cautious this time around, and that's totally normal. I'm sort of at the point where I'm keeping my private life private, too. Kind of on a need-to-know basis. You've learned a lot from your previous experiences, and you've grown a lot since you were with your high school boyfriend. You're in a great place now, and you can just focus on having fun and appreciating this new relationship, without flaunting it on the blog (not that you ever did that, but you're afraid of doing it, haha). I'm super happy that you're in such a good place these days!

xox Sammi

Nikki | The Ginger Diaries said...

You do what feels right for you and at a time it feels right for you, and don't ever let the internet tell you otherwise anymore :) This post was so sweet to read and I'm really happy and excited for you and him! I can perfectly remember how I felt when my boyfriend and I first started dating, so I want you to enjoy every moment and not let the internet disturb this beautiful time. I've been reading your adventures on Someone Like You for a very long time and I've seen and read you go through so many struggles, that it is so so so incredibly good to see you being happy today. And especially happy with who you have become. I'm proud of you Lauren! xo

Unknown said...

Yay Lauren! Right before I read your post, I was thinking a lot about vulnerability and honesty in the blogging world and examining how comfortable I felt sharing my personal life on my (just budding) blog. I'm so happy for you and this new, exciting experience in your life and know you will handle it with grace and beauty, just as I have seen in the past few weeks (has it been "months" now?!) of following your blog!

Unknown said...

Glad you came out of that really nasty breakup, and I hope this relationship will be a very long lasting one and that you may be very happy.
Also, you look absolutely stunning in that dress. I am SO in love with it!

x Angela

jess said...

That dress is so pretty. You just have to do what feels right for you.

Anonymous said...

You look simply stunning in these pictures Lauren!!! Such a babe ;-) And congrats girl! Looks like you might be getting some red roses now huh?

Creative Touch

Anonymous said...

You look simply stunning in these pictures Lauren!!! Such a babe ;-) And congrats girl! Looks like you might be getting some red roses now huh?

Creative Touch

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