a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Monday, November 2, 2015

You Can't Always Be Alone.

Pussy Bow Blouse, Denim Skirt, T-Strap Heels: Thrifted.
Mustard Beret: Target (& very old). 

Welcome to November ♥ 

Hope that you all had a good Halloween! To be honest, I'm sort of glad it's over with...it's hard for me to explain, but holidays are just never quite fun for me. I'm an over planner. And over thinker. And over-idealizer (if that can be a word). Things like holidays I build up the anticipation for having the picturesque, quintessential time and...it never is. Holidays are technically like every other day of the year except we 'declare' it is something special. So when my holidays turn out like ordinary days (i.e. read homework, grocery shopping, cleaning the house), they feel like failures.

Every holiday I seem to experience apart from Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's which I spend with my family at home, I feel inadequate. And lonely. Yes the perfect descriptor is lonely. I'll maybe get an invite to do something, but usually it's highly unlikely. And really, that's no one's fault but my own. I'm that little a-hole you're always trying to reach and text and message but never seem to get a response from...because 95% of the time I can own up to being a loner and greedily bask in the solitude of being by myself in my spare time. But that other 5% of the time when I just can't seem to stand my loneliness and all I want is just to mean something to someone or spend time with someone...it's usually on the holidays. Because no matter how hard you try to have a "fun personal night in" taking a hot bath, baking cookies for yourself, and catching up on the latest Cosmo...it makes me sad when I hear all the laughter outside as people head to party, clever instagram snaps of group costumes tightly embracing each other, and the pounding of my own loud, intrusive thoughts reminding me that I am the loser who's alone while every else...isn't. 

I don't know. I hope someday holidays don't bring me sadness and knock-the-breath-outta-ya bouts of loneliness. Maybe, somewhere I'll find someone as lonely as I am who understands the need to be alone...but also understands, you can't always do it on your own.

With much love, Lauren.


Anonymous said...

You're not alone - at the very least with these sentiments. And lady, your hair is amazing! You look stunning!

Isabella said...

You're not the only one. You articulated perfectly how I feel. With Halloween on Saturday, I felt so lame being home along by myself. And jealous of everyone who was out having fun. But even when I am out, I feel separate. Like I'm not REALLY there or the people aren't REALLY enjoying my presence or even REALLY like me.


Sharon said...


I dont know if you have read this book, but maybe it will help you appreciate who you arsare as an introvert.

Ada Ciuca said...

You're definitely not the only one. I feel the same way about most holidays, and even when I do force myself to go out and take part in festivities, it never ends up being at the high standards I set. Even the holidays I do spend with my family make me feel like a bit of a failure, especially New Year's Eve, which I always feel like is more of a friends holiday than a family one. And don't even get me started on my birthday! Always the worst!


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