a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Friday, June 12, 2015

This is Living.

Every day I am amazed at the magic New York City holds. Last weekend was my first opportunity to go exploring and I took every moment I could to soak in the city. I ended up down in the financial district after some wandering and stumbled across the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge. I walked across, taking my time and just thinking. I was about half way through the bridge when I stopped, looked back, and it just took my breath away. To see the beautiful city silhouette from a far was awe inspiring. With the mix of nature and one of the most incredible man made cities in the world I was just over come with emotions. Sometimes I get like that being a very emotionally driven individual and these are moments I live for. Where everything hits me at once and I feel alive. 

I took the time on the bridge just to reflect about my life right now and where it's heading. I left Ohio broken a month ago. My life and heart very much deeply hardened with sorrow from a breakup where I was cheated on. To have a year of my life just taken away from me like that from a person I deeply cared about: It changed everything for me. How I saw myself, how I saw my relationships with others, how I saw men... To have put your full self into another person and then have them do that to you...it messed me up. And I'm still messed up. I didn't understand and I still don't. I lived in fear back home. Fear of seeing him, fear of stumbling upon reminders, fear of finding mementos I forgot to get rid of. I left Ohio very eager to get away to New York. To get my mind on other things and to find a new life.

And I have found that here and more. Things make sense to me here and my heart, every day is healed by every step I walk on these cobbles stones, every smile from a stranger on the subway, every wonderful opportunity filled day at my job. I have found the absolute beauty and life in New York City that I didn't think I would find for a long time after what happened. I see love all over here, and know that it can still exist in my own life like it does in this incredible city.

For the most part, I have kept things very bottled up since things happened two months ago. Which is highly unusual for me. With my last breakup (three years ago), every day was like being broken all over again. I relived the break up each day and I was miserable in my sorrow for about a year and a half. But this time there is no crying, there are no angry blog posts about it...I really don't even write in my journal about it which is very, very odd. I guess I've matured from my last breakup and for me, being cheated on made me feel lucky in a sort of way. It made me realize what I'll never settle for again and that the person who did doesn't deserve to be in my life any longer. And I'm thankful for those things.

Anyways, I've pretty much been doing well and not really thinking about those circumstances, letting NYC heal me until I got to this bridge the other day. And it just all clicked.

I am going to be okay. This sense of absolute peace, understanding, and gratitude washed over me. I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes because although I have not been outwardly showing my hurt, I think inwardly I have been on a deeper level. Wondering if I could ever love again, if anyone could love me after all of this...but just seeing this city from afar, realizing the incredible things I am doing here in NYC, and just how much I have grown so far in the short month I have been here. It was like I was free. I had a day like this from my previous breakup where there is finally peace and I wrote about it here. It was interesting that I had another one of those instances with this moment, and had to write it down.

So I found a bench near where I was and just began furiously writing. As fast as my pen would go so I could get all my thoughts down. I felt free and on fire and alive and I thought to myself, "I wish there was some way I could capture this moment, so that I would always remember what it felt like." 

Along comes this guy and I can feel him staring at me, the air of uncomfortable urgency surrounding us. I knew he was going to ask me something, but I just kept writing, trying to get everything on paper I was feeling. He finally came up to me and introduced himself that he was a photographer and wanted to take my photo because he thought it would be a great photo of me writing with the bridge behind me. I was overwhelmingly happy that he asked. It was the strangest coincidence...this moment for me, where I longed for someway to capture what I was feeling and here was this guy, waiting to capture it for me.

He took these wonderful photos above and I cherish them so much and they will always be something I hang onto. He was able to capture so wonderfully that day and what I felt. My intentness on writing, the blustery wind and the brilliant scenery all around. I think God has a really funny but extraordinary sense of humor. There is no doubt in my mind that he timed this perfectly. I owe everything I am to Him. He does incredible, unbelievable things in my life.

Only in New York would something like this happen. This magic that I cannot explain, but only feel. Anything can and does happen in this city. I have never had so many incredible things happen to me in such a short amount of time, and I know that God put me in this city for a reason. To heal me, to nurture me, to teach me, to love me.

Eternally grateful to Chris who took these shots.. He is a talented photographer/videographer here in NYC running Xviieon Imagery. His email is Chrislmauldin[at]gmail.com if you would like to contact him about work! x

I have many more incredible NYC adventures to tell you all about soon...but for now, I'll just leave you with this one until next time! x

With much love, Lauren.


Sammi said...

What a beautiful post, Lauren. I'm so sorry to hear about the circumstances of your breakup, but you're handling it with remarkable grace and maturity. I think going to New York was a great decision for you, and probably exactly what you need to move onwards and upwards. You are destined for such awesome things, and I'm so glad you see that you are secure in the knowledge that you deserve so much better. You are a pure-hearted, wonderful person and you deserve to have equally pure-hearted, wonderful people in your life. I'm excited to see what the rest of your adventure holds for you!

xoxox Sammi

Lauren | Chic Éthique said...

So glad to hear how much you are growing through these tough circumstances Lauren! I hope this summer is the best you've ever had. Isn't it amazing how Jesus can use everything for a good purpose? These photos are beautiful! You look stunning! :)

Sara said...

This is fabulous. How amazing that someone came along just at a moment of need. These sound like memories that you will always have with you, because they are the ones that truly matter the most. Keep your chin up!


stacysaddleshoes said...

did you get my e-mail

Jana K said...

This story was so beautiful!!! How special those photos must be to you. I love the last one so very much. Chris did such a good job!

Unknown said...

I love these photos and this post! Getting over a breakup is definitely a long, tough process - I've found. That moment when you finally feel like you've let it all go and you're free is such an amazing feeling.

I'm so happy that you're happy in NYC and moving on. I found this song the other day that I think you will really love. It's called I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath and it's all about forgiveness. I think you'll really like it. You should look it up.

I love and miss you! <3

Unknown said...

Hey girl I"m glad you were able to find peace :). I just recently went through a breakup and came to the same epiphany too. For me though, I was talking to a friend about all the problems I had in the relationship and I realized that it was unhealthy for me if I had stayed in a relationship like that and it's time to move on. On the bright side, the Lord let us both into our previous relationships to learn something that will help us so much in our lives, so, for me, I'm glad I went through all of it, even if it hurt.

Rachel said...

That is so cool! What a cool, New York moment. And good for you for moving on and finding peace within yourself! Sorry for the break up though, that is always hard. You will find the real love of your life when it's the perfect time! -♥- Rachel (For the Birds)

Mary said...

Ah, this is is so great. How very New York.

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