a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Come Sail Away With Me.

Vintage 60's Sailor Shirt and Penny Loafers: Inherited.
Satin Skater Dress: c/o Lulu*s.
Red Bow Hat: Thrifted.

Why hello, hello there!
Glad to be back to you all :)

It's weird. It's been a year since I was diagnosed with depression  last July and I think about my life now. How so much has changed in just a year. I think about my unhappiness and the darkness that I felt and it makes me shudder that I would have to go through that. And it's so odd because I was brought back through all that yesterday; but this time it wasn't through me.

I visited a girl in the psychiatric unit of the hospital yesterday. She was a friend of a friend who wanted to meet me and I thought, what could it hurt? She had been checked in for depression with dangerous thoughts; what I had last July. I went to the hospital, a place I've literally never been, and walked to the third floor. I had to use a loud speaker to get in because the doors are so tightly secured and monitored. I walked into the stark, stark white rooms and looked at the people who's eyes had no life in them, no hope. I just wanted to hug them and say, 'there is hope. there is life outside these walls and it is beautiful.'

I went to her room which they are not allowed to decorate and it had been her third day there. I talked with her about anything she wanted, listening to her story with open ears and an open heart. I can't explain it, but I started to get tears in my eyes as she told me about her life. So much darkness she had been through and yet it left her unphased, telling the story with no tone change in her voice. Not even did she shed a tear and over here I was crying like a baby. 

Because she was me. I was her. And my heart ached for someone who had not an ounce of hope left and felt like there was no reason to go on. I told her about my life, about everything that has happened to me since I left for college. And you know what she said to me? She whispered, "I want your life." And I told her, you can have this and more. Don't give up, keep fighting, and get help. I did it and I know you can do it, too.

I hope that one of my words touched this girl. Made her think twice and made her realize that there is nothing wrong with her. It's society who is wrong for making her feel crazy. Her mental illnesses do not define her. They only make up a part of who she is.

With much love, Lauren.


Et tu, tutu? said...



Sara, Swing The Day Away said...

This is beautiful, Lauren. I went to school for psych and one of the things I wanted to do with my degree was help adolescents who were having these types of issues try to understand that things get better. I've had my dark days and I got through them and I wanted to give hope to others and make a positive difference in their lives. It's so inspiring that you have done this.

On a lighter note...I really love this outfit. The hat, the sailboats on your shirt, the colors...I love the nauticalness! :)

Elliementary, My Dear said...

You look too cute in this outfit :) I love your hat! And I like how open you are when it comes to talking about depression as I too have had times where I have fallen prey to it. It is definitely nice to hear the ways in which you have learned to overcome it.

Ruby Sterland said...

What you've written is so true, people shouldn't be ashamed of mental illness, it's ok. How is it any different to having an ill heart or ill lungs, it's just a part of your body that isn't well. I think society makes it seem so shameful, when it really isn't. x


Unknown said...

What an incredibly inspiring read Lauren, and what an incredibly inspiring person you are!

xx Carina


Unknown said...

Lauren this is so touching, so honest, so raw and thank you for choosing to share something so personal with us. Mental illness affects more people than we realise and people don't talk about it enough. I am so thrilled that you're in a good place now and really really trying to make positive changes in your life. Everyone deserves happiness. xxxxxx Rebecca

Cindi said...

What an incredibly nice and loving thing of you to do Lauren. Not that any of us who's been reading your blog for years would have expected any less of you.

On another not this is probably the cutest outfit I've ever seen you in. (Have I said that before?) The hat and the t-shirt are just perfect!



Delaney Y said...

That's so amazing that you were able to touch somebody else's life! :D Cute outfit, too!

Anonymous said...

love your outfit! :)
Irene Wibowo

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Lauren. I'll be praying for that sweet girl. Your outfit is beautiful! I think it's my favorite of yours so far. :-)

Love, Amy

Alexandra Marie said...

Wow Lauren, that story is so amazing. You are such an incredible witness to all of us- I love how you took the time to go and help these people. I know that girl will never forget you. God must be smiling down on you right now <3 Alex


Unknown said...

Wow, you write so profoundly Lauren. I felt like I was right there in that blank white room while I was reading your beautifully written words. You express yourself so well and everything you have to say is so inspiring. I have my down days too like everyone else and I love what you said about how there is nothing wrong with her but with society making her feel crazy. So, so true. We all go through tough times and sometimes we just need a little help in how we cope with it and what's going through our minds. My husband is such a rock when I am feeling down, and it's hard to see how magical life is when your down like that but when your eyes are open to see- it is so beautiful and amazing and full of opportunity. I am sure that you touched her life in ways you may never know, I assure you that you have made a difference. Thanks for sharing Lauren, have a great day! :)
xo, Alyssa

Unknown said...

Oh, and also you look endlessly gorgeous in this outfit- the color combo works so well on you, adorable <3

Unknown said...

That is so sweet that you were able to talk to and hopefully encourage that girl! What a beautiful and touching story! Your outfit is very lovely as well :)

Rachel Sayumi Porter said...

you are amazing. i'm glad you are doing better. i always enjoy your posts, you seem so sweet. also, this outfit is so so so darling!

Vicki said...

This is a beautiful post, Lauren. I hope that your visit was able to uplift and encourage that girl.(:

Decked Out in RUffles

Kezzie said...

And perhaps this is why God allowed you to experienced the depression. Because he knew you could love, help and inspire others. He puts us in hard situations sometimes because they are the places that help us to do good. He's opened those doors for us. Bless you for going there and seeing her. God bless her too x

(Loving the cute sailor look!)

Zika Vica said...

Lovely. :)

Laura said...

Such an adorable nautical look!! Love how you tied the top. :)

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Unknown said...

First of all, I absolutely love your top - that is so adorable and I can't wait to see what other fantastic ways you style this top!

Secondly, what an amazing moment in your life! I'm so glad that you felt that you could make an impact on someone else's life! That is so special! :)


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