In the Depths.

 Cream Tulle Dress: Modcloth.

Lace Blouse: Thrifted.

Spiked Black Heels: TJ Maxx.

Cat Ear Headband: Gift from Britney of Scout.

When I enter underneath the water, it's like I'm the only one in the world. All of the sounds are blocked out and it's just me in the murky depths of the lane. Foggy and a deep blue green, it's like I'm in a different world. It's been years but I still fall into the familiar rhythm. One, two, three breath. One, two three, breath. It comes so naturally from over a decade of experience. Muscle memory. It feel like I never left the pool. My arms pull the water and it falls behind me, just like all of my worries and frustrations. My muscles feel tight and strained, but it makes me feel strong to know I'm making my body work. I've never felt so strong. So powerful that I do in the pool. My legs give little, swift flutter kicks and my body still allows me to do a powerful flip and turn at each wall. A somersault in the water- something I would never be able to do on land. 

In the water you don't think. You just do as your body moves itself by itself, and your mind wanders. It thinks about your past, what it would have been like if you hadn't give it all up. If you hadn't stopped swimming, where would you be? What would you look like? Who would be in your life and who wouldn't? You think about how angry you've felt lately from what a person has done to you. You pull the water harder trying to push your troubles behind you in the water. It feels good to let it out. Besides writing it's been the only thing that's worked.  And in the water you don't have to wipe away your frustrated tears.

At the end, you take the goggles off of your face. Your cheek bones hurt because they were too tight but the relief feels wonderful. You slide your cap off, sink into the water and just let yourself float, relax, your body feels strong but weak after a good workout. You climb out of the water, feeling more satisfied than you have in awhile. You wonder why it took you so long to get back to this.

I went swimming for the first time in over a year yesterday and it was magical.

With much love, Lauren.