a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Life Is Fleeting.

Growing up I had one best friend who I did everything with. She was like my sister and her family was like my second family. We were best friends for nine years, but as we started to grow older we both started to change. Her interests were not my interests anymore, and vice versa. So, the end of my eighth grade school year we ended our friendship and haven't really talked throughout the past few years. However, this morning I was reconnected with this friend of mine through a tragedy. Her twenty three year old brother who I grew up with died.

When I found out I was in such a state of unbelievable shock. I've never had anyone in my life pass away and it just didn't seem real that he could really be gone. Forever. Never to come back again. I just started to cry and couldn't hold anything back because everything seemed so surreal. He couldn't be dead. He was too young and had his whole life ahead of him. I contacted my old friend and went over to her house. Something I haven't done in a very long time. When she answered the door we both just burst into tears and sat there crying and hugging each other in silence. We were both just in disbelief.

To this very moment I'm still sad,hurt, and confused. It doesn't seem right that someone so young should die. Someone who had everything going for him. Why did he have to die...? Seeing my friend's family crying, people who had been like a second family to me for so many years was devastating. The hurt and grief I saw as I looked into their eyes was so heartbreaking. I know what I'm going through, and I just can't even imagine what they're going through. I just can't stop asking, why...?

This whole situation has been such a realization and wake up call for me. It doesn't matter if I'm seventeen of seventy: any day could be my last. I need to start to appreciate my life and cherish everything and everyone in it, because I'll never truly know when my last day will be. When it will be my last time to say goodbye to the people I love in my life. I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself all the time and instead live my life to the fullest. To live my life with no regrets and appreciate every single thing God has given me.... I've so often thought today, "why did he die and I get to live? What makes me so special that I get to live my life while his ended so soon?" None of this makes sense to me.

Wednesday will be the funeral and I plan on taking school off for it. To be there for my old best friend and her family. To be there for the wonderful man who passed away to heaven <3

With much love, Lauren.


Shady Del Knight said...

I'm so sorry you're hurting, Lauren. I am reminded of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs that was popular when I was exactly your age. The song, "When I Was Young" by the Animals, contained the following:

"When I was young it was more important
Pain more painful
Laughter much louder, yeah
When I was young."

Every emotion is amplified when you're young. As the decades roll by you will find that you become more stoic and pragmatic. Losses like this one are still painful but somehow you are able to take them in stride and accept them as part of God's plan which is unfathomable. Hold onto your faith. Keep the promise you made to yourself to be thankful for what you've got and make the most of the time you are given on this earth.

None said...

When I was in my early 30s, someone I knew died in an unexpected and tragic way, and it was such a shock to me. This person was younger than me, not to mention braver and more spirited than me, and I just couldn't believe she lost her life that way. Fortunately I had told her a few days before how much I liked and respected her, and I was so glad I did that while I could. It's true that you never know... you have to make the most of what you have while it's here.

BARESTUDY (Janelle) said...

condolence my friend.

CaptMO/ DJ ABO said...

My dear Lauren, loss is something we all have to go through in life at point or another. It's horrible to consider and to go through, but it's something we all have to face. It's never easy, nor does it go away quickly. All we can ever do is just go on with our lives and eventually get used to it without that person. It always takes time and we always face our own immortality as it happens. The fact that this is your first time and you're already thinking in such a way is very comfoting. Though try to stay away from blaming yourself for living when someone else young passes to the next world. Especially the young it doesn't seem right and makes it harder to accept. You are a good woman and you definitely deserve to live and have the right to be alive. If someday, you get called for some reason to the next life, then you'll go, but that will be your time. This was your friend's calling. He went and is doing his duty now in the next world. It is a time to celebrate his life here, and to celebrate that he learned his lessons in this life to be able to move ahead. For now, my dear, you have your lessons to learn, and you seem to be progressing well. You already have so many great qualities! Just hold on and let life come and take it but always be in control of it as well! It will flow and so will you. It is all so beautiful together! :-)

Miranda said...

Please tell your friend's family that they are in a lot of bloggers' prayers. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan for your friend's family, even if it's hard to see now.

Mila said...

Lauren, I'm so sorry for you and your friend's loss. I know what kind of pain they must be going through right now, and how hard it is to watch them cry. I have had experiences in my own family with death, and it is the hardest part of life...letting go of someone so young. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you too, because it really is something you'd never wish on your worst enemy. You, your friend, and her family are in my thoughts and prayers<3


Unknown said...

I'm really sorry to hear about this, Lauren. I think you did the right thing in going over to your friend's house to be there for her. I'm sure she really needed you then.

You are so mature and thoughtful for your age, and while that may alienate you at school, I can promise you that it's an asset to you. Situations like this really illustrate it. You can be there for someone when she's going through something that NOBODY is old enough to go through in a way that very few of your classmates could be.

I don't want to minimize how hard it is to be lonely at school. I know, believe me. I feel like you and I have had many similar struggles. But it does get better in college, and as people grow up and see beyond their high school myopia, they will discover how wonderful you've been all along.

I guess this is a comment on two of your more recent entries rolled into one. I've been trying to catch up with your blog tonight, and what I had to say seemed related enough to just condense it :)


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