Hi. It's me.
Another three and a half years have passed since I last wrote here and before that, two years. I never stopped thinking about this space through all of the changes in my own life and the platform trends that come and go on the internet. Recently, something inside me was compelled to come back to this space I started thirteen years ago. It feels like a home that has always stayed the same when everything around me changed.
I was only 16 when I came to this space. My introductory post wrote:
"I've wanted to start a blog for quite sometime now, but have been hesitant on how to, or when to start! I definitely know why I want to start a blog though,that's not problem to figure out. My interest in fashion has grown over the past few years,and is still evolving and changing everyday! I want to track it's progress, along with all that inspires me in my personal style!"
The innocence of this introduction makes me smile. This was before the age of influencers, monetizing, affiliate links, sponsorships, amazon wishlists, Instagram, TikTok...I just wanted to be here, to document my personal style and share what inspired me.
My blog came with me as I moved through high school and then college, where I graduated with a B.S. in Fashion Merchandising and minor in Fashion Media, and eventually my move to NYC in the summer of 2016. My posting became more sporadic as new platforms took precedence and my life in New York kept me busy. After quitting my full-time job in social media with nothing lined up in 2017, I had all the time to re-dedicate to my personal work here and dove in again with vigor: a re-name (bye Someone Like You, hello Passinwhimsies.com), redesign, SEO-friendly posts, shopping features, widgets galore. Instead of feeling professional, it all felt commercialized and posting here felt like a chore I dreaded instead of a safe space to come home to. After a few months of trying and a new job opportunity that I took, I quickly fell off again.
That brings us here, to January of 2022. Why come back now after all these years and blogs having been declared "dead" by most of society? They haven't evolved with everything else. Logging back into this platform, all of the graphics and layouts have more or less stayed the same since I was last here in 2009. There are no fancy features to be rolled out or grandiose marketing plans to make this the next hot spot of the internet. It has existed, and will continue to exist, as a simple writing and photo sharing platform. Video be damned.
I miss the simplicity of these times and I guess I'm a glutton for nostalgia. Leave it to TikTok to be the site that didn't drive me towards the trends but away from them. I found myself in 2010s nostalgia-tok, where so many people were sharing what they loved about the internet in the good-ole-days of Blogger, Lookbook, Polyvore and Modcloth. I'd been thinking about these sites for a long time, poking around the graveyards of previous spaces I would spend hours on every day.
Even outside of the nostalgia, I'm kind of just tired of it all. I still work in social media and between the professional and personal work every day, it all feels overwhelming to keep up. I've been churning out content every single day on Instagram, trying to take advantage of "YOUR opportunity to grow is RIGHT NOW!!!!" or whatever growth marketing YouTube video I find myself being sucked into. The optimization of video content has sky rocketed so Instagram can keep up with TikTok, and despite my introversion, I've taken to posting videos consistently in order to 'beat the algorithm.' It works. I gained 2.5k followers on my dying Instagram for the first time in over 2 years. All I ever wanted was 10K, but when I hit it, I thought I would be satisfied. I wasn't, I still needed to keep pumping out content and keep up with the Kardashians of Instagram and the D'amelio's of TikTok. It was stuff I wanted to put out, but just maybe not so much, so soon...
Then last week I dropped my phone in a lake. Long story. It was ruined, and I was left like an addict itching for their next fix to see if anyone had liked my latest post, if my ex's mother had watched my Instagram story, if I finally was starting to see growth on Tiktok after painstakingly posting every day for the last 2 months. Slowly, I've been able to wean myself off of the constant, habitual urge to check my performance of, well, everything. I've gotten to read more than I have in years, bake delicious treats, spend time with my family (fully!), and -- take naps. At first the lack of what I deem "productivity" just about killed me. I was falling behind, ruining my favor in the algorithm and perhaps everyone was going to forget about me?!?!
Fucking bat shit crazy.
I just want to write again what's on my heart: the things that make me happy and that bother me and not worry about if my hook isn't interesting enough or if the post is too long or if I swear too much. I want to share outfits again without it taking hours to create alt text for my images so they turn up in search or come up with a clever SEO headline. I want to share them because they make me happy, and proud, and just like years ago, I want to see how I change. That's been my favorite thing about whatever this internet presence I've cultivated over the last 13 years has been. That I've gotten to be with my younger self again: experience what she was going through and put myself in her shoes (literally) through what she wore.
I don't know how often I'll be here. Or if I'll come back again. But I know this is the place I always want to come back to when I want to find myself again. So here I am.
With much love,
Lauren
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