a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Your Own Set of Lies.

I was feeling pretty down last night for some reason. Just one of those funky moods you don't even really know why you're in. I went to NAVS though and as always, it had such a healing power on me. I realized through the speaker last night what I've been doing lately and what as people in general (especially girls) do.

We each have our own set of lies and beliefs that we have about ourselves. We start out life fresh and pure; with no insecurities and worries about how others might see us. And then we go throughout life and people say things and do things and situations shape us into having these irrational doubts about ourselves. We believe the lies everyone tells us about ourselves that are "true."

My lies I've been believing lately have to do with my previous relationship. He would tell me to lose weight, shape up, to wear different clothes, that I wasn't funny ,to shave my arms, that I shouldn't be so sad all the time, and the list goes on and on... By telling me these things; some years and years ago, others more recently, he left a lasting impression on me. I believe those things about myself; that I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or happy enough because a person I cared about told me I wasn't.

I look at all of the guys on this campus of 27,000 people and I always think, 'Why would any of them want me? What's so special about me? Aren't I this, this, and this? Aren't I lacking this, this, and this?' So I've burned it into my head to think that no guy is ever going to want someone like me; just because one didn't.

And it's so wrong. Even though I've forgiven him for these things he's said to me, these lies I lead myself to believe still stick as hard as you try to let them go. You live on believing and rationalizing every bad experience to these set of lies because they become your truth.

I don't want to be held back by lies. These insecurities that plague my mind and send me flying backwards in my progress. I'm realizing though that the one who knows all of these things are lies and whom will always love me is Him. I constantly want to find love in these humanly relationships. For years in my relationship with Matt I held on because I thought I could find love in him and clearly, as it turns out I didn't. And I never would have. And even here at Kent, I constantly look for people to love me, fill that emptiness that Matt left. I look for someone to give me what I've always craved and dreamed... I place my faith and hope into people who don't even know me and I get upset when they don't live up to my expectations. Expectations they don't even know I have about them! How silly is that...?

I'm trying to let go of these lies about myself that I believe. To see me as God sees me; his beautiful child who yes, has flaws, but is beautiful and deserving of love. We are all so deserving of love. The kind we dream about ♥

What are the lies that hold you back?

With much love, Lauren.


Vicki said...

Beautifully uplifting post, Lauren! And oh so true.(:


Amanda said...

I completely feel the same way! I am in college too and it is a struggle to stay uplifted. Great post completely true!


Anonymous said...

You need to get over him. He ONLY wants sex from you, you didn't give it to him, he broke up with you to go find a girl that is willingly to give it to him. Move on from it all!

Lilianajcardoso said...

Hi Lauren, i like your honesty, you say you are insecure but i see a strength in you that i never saw in myself. We all have flaws, it's true, and we all have doubts and insecurity in some matters. The truth is we are so many things and we can't even define them because it depends on what we think is right and what we think is wrong. It's not possible to be loved by everyone just as it's not possible to be hated by everyone, there's always going to be someone that love us for some reason as there's always going to be someone who can't stand us for some reason, even though we are the most adorable person on earth. As I read your words I caught myself thinking how, part of me, still feels like you, I've been more there than I'm now but I believe it's a process. Stop for a minute, a think about you. Is there any part of what he told that make sense to you? Is it possible that you think you are too this or should be more that? Because these insecurities came from us, people may tell us things but we are the one not being sure if we like ourselves in some ways. Try to love yourself because, like I said earlier, there's always going to be someone telling you that "this" or "that" is wrong and, the only way for you to feel good about "this" or "that" is if you are confident that you are right. Think about your life, yourself and change what you think you should change but be faithful to your beliefs. Don't let people, even if they are the Queen of England, to tell you what to do, or what to be. And even those things you don't think are right but you also don't feel the need or the strength to change just accept them. Acceptance is the first step to love, you or anyone else.
Hope I helped and sorry for the mistakes in my writing.


SomeoneLikeYou said...

Anon, Matt didn't just want sex from me; why would he have wasted his time in a five year relationship if he did? We broke up because we weren't in love with each other and we both deserve better. Simple as that.

Anonymous said...

"I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God's thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking."

Lauren said...

Oh my gosh you are seriously one of the most beautiful girls I know (and you're super tiny too. Daaang guurl!). Like seriously, you are so so gorgeous, inside and out. If I was a guy I would totally have the biggest crush on you. (haha but I'm not so that statement is not awkward.) But seriously. You are one hot mama!

Anonymous said...

You are denying yourself from the truth! Matt cheated on you when you were with him with other girls when he was in relationship with you. (you said it in your break up entry) Guys who cheat on you isn't worth it at all. He prob was lying to you when he didn't want sex from you, but now he has another girl in his life that is willingly to give him what he wants and satisfy his desire/needs. I bet Matt is reading this and laughing at you, you cant get over him when he is happy with someone else. You need to wake up, realize the truth and move on. If you don't, you will be regretting and missing out the amazing things in life that you can experience. Go out,have fun, stop a and sitting around moping over a guy that prob does NOT give a crap about you. Guys lie, guys do anything to bring you down, but they are not worth your time at all. Move on already!

Jeannee said...

I think there is a book out there called something like "10 Lies Women Believe About Themselves" - also, when I look at the statements he said to you, I think of several things: emotional abuse; someone wanting to play "My Fair Lady" w/ someone and not accepting them for what they really are - which then leads to my next rumination: is that what tipped him off to a new girl? because this one wasn't moldable, was getting too adult, too mature, to be bullied around like that ..?!! Ah, my dear friend! I am so, so grateful! that you have found such intelligence and insights at an early age!!! Please, keep writing - keep praising God - keep on growing!!!

Anonymous said...

This is so encouraging! I know that I also believe some lies about myself, for example that I am not good enough, that nobody will love me. Thank you for helping me realize that I really need to get rid of those lies. You are amazing!

Unknown said...


You are such an amazing person. I know that this road has been difficult for you; I have been on that road as well. Continuing to keep you in my thoughts, hon!


Teddi said...

just don't believe the lies. please.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lauren,
beautiful post. :) I love your blog and your outfits! one of my favorite quotes that really helps me with this challenge is from Mother Teresa: "People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

God Bless you!

Anonymous said...

I was unaware that he emotionally abused you like that. Very sad. You need someone to encourage you and to not put you down or tell you how you should or shouldn't be.
Perhaps you could write down a list of the lies and a list of the truths. . .burn the lies in a fire and make a banner of the truths of you and hang them in your room or something.

Jeannee said...

Lauren, I happened upon a young woman named Danielle Duet. She is all over the interwebs! One of the most popular posts on her blog (http://itsthatcatholicgirl.blogspot.com) is about a broken heart and forgiveness.

Romeroghdf said...

This is so encouraging! I know that I also believe some lies about myself, for example that I am not good enough, that nobody will love me. Thank you for helping me realize that I really need to get rid of those lies. You are amazing! Olga

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