a personal style blog by Lauren Pfieffer

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Living with Anxiety in New York City | Part II

Nearly two years ago I wrote a post on this blog about living with anxiety in New York City after having been recently diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Although this post is now a few years old, it often pops up in google search results and I still receive emails and private messages from others who connected with my story.

Last month I had an incredible opportunity to work with a senior - Fabiola Torres -- from the New York Film Academy on a project highlighting what it's like living with anxiety (and other mental illnesses). The opportunity seemed to come at the perfect time, as I had recently put in a resignation at my job and was starting to my experience anxiety again. It was/has been a difficult topic for me to discuss publically. 

Because I had my anxiety under control for so long, it almost felt shameful to have to face it again. Even now as I write this, it's difficult for me to say aloud and acknowledge this debilitating, uncontrollable feeling. Anxiety for me was so easy to hide because I was more afraid of being seen as weak or relying on it as a crutch for why I couldn't do something. This fear helped quell anxious habits or thoughts, and I was able to live fairly undetected of the true issues I had going on.

Now entering my third week unemployed as I continue to search for a new job, it's a little bit harder to hide the anxiety and terror I feel on a daily basis. I wake up every day filled with dread, wondering if I made the right decision to leave a stable job to pursue my passion. Enjoying my days are difficult -- I don't take time to let myself relax because it feels like I should be applying to new places, adjusting my resume, going on interviews --- anything. All in all, I feel somewhat like a loser, definitely terrified, and truly lost for the first time since moving to New York City. 

Participating in this video helped remind me that I made it through these dark times once, and I can do it once more. Trying to keep my head high and do what I've always done -- put all of me into all I do. Passion and hard work will not go unnoticed or unrewarded. I can do this, and you can do it too if you are struggling with anxiety, OCD, or depression. 

Thank you to Fabiola Torres and Catherine Kobayahsi for the incredible opportunity. You can check out more of Fabiola's work here

With much love, Lauren


Kezzie said...

Well done! That was a great film! It was interesting to hear you talk about how it all started and how it continued. I hope that you will continue to do well against your anxiety.

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